Even if the next day is mediocre, it seems 100x better!
Not that today was just mediocre. I mean, it's Christmas day after all! I got to see my family, and eat good food, give presents, and simply enjoy everything that the holiday had to offer! I was a bit nervous going into today though, seeing how yesterday went...but things ran smoothly and I even challenged myself to a few things!
Such as one of each of these:
Walking into my Grandma's house, I didn't think I would have the courage to grab a few of my favorite desserts, but once the desserts were out and I realized how much I was craving one I decided that it's Christmas...and there is no reason why I shouldn't treat myself to my favorite foods. Plus...I would probably end up eating everything in the house until I got my hands on these two peanut butter wonders! And you know what? After I had them I didn't feel an urge to binge, nor did I feel any ounce of guilt. I felt happy...I felt content. And although my stomach wasn't used to such sweet treats, my mouth was thanking me for it!
Food aside, I also managed to be a little bit spoiled in the present department. Here are a few things I received this year....Santa was good to me!
My sister and I saw this brand on a Food Network special and we kept saying that we needed to order it, but never did! So my sister got me this sampler basket...I can't wait to dig in! Or perhaps, "pour-up"!
Super Scrabble! For all my scrabble fixes.
And a new camera!! As many of you know, I currently use a canon powershot....a pretty big one actually. And it's AMAZING for photography and shooting and such, however it can get a little awkward lugging that around to social events. Enter- Nikon Coolpix!!
I truly love spending time with my family. There's just something so comforting about being surrounded by people who love you, for you. It's something that I often overlook and take for granted, and days like today remind me that I have so much to be thankful for, even in times when it seems like there is nothing.
I'll be updating again soon! John is coming up to visit tomorrow, and my mom and I are waking up bright and early to hopefully locate a decently priced Keurig!!
I wish I could say that today (my favorite day of the year!) was in fact, my favorite day of this year. However... anxiety took hold and most of my day was spent pacing around, thinking about food, and being pretty miserable. But when I say miserable, I mean internally- I tried my very best to make my actions say otherwise and enjoy the company of my family! I think I did a pretty good job just trying to enjoy the day and focus on other things.
There were plenty of positives that came along though! Starting with last night, which was my first night at Laurel Hill as well as my meet-up with Carly. She went WAY overboard and got me quite possibly the best present I've EVER received...and I'm not exaggerating...look at everything that came in my recovery basket!
Everything has a meaning to it, ranging simply from a powerful, life-changing book all the way to a squishy ice pack to hold on to after meals or whenever I'm feeling anxious and "in my head".
Today though...today definitely had it's fair share of challenges. I'm about to watch a movie with my parents though...so I'll let the pictures do the story telling, and finish the update tomorrow.
Christmas vacation has FINALLY arrived, and I can't even begin to tell you how grateful I am! I was planning on spending all of today just lounging around the house (I mean, there WAS about a foot of snow covering everything!) but my sister and I decided to suck it up and be TRUE New Englanders and hit the shops! Little tip- if you want a completely empty mall, shop on the day of a snowstorm! NO ONE was out, but my sister and I managed to spend over 4 hours getting all of our shopping done! Then we came home and wrapped EVERYTHING. Mission accomplished.
I've also made a few discovery's over the past few days. Let me explain-
Number 1. I am, in fact, the salt shaker balancing queen.
Number 2. As incredible as peanut butter and almond butter are when solo, they come together in an almost too-good-to-be-good-for-you way!
Crunchy Crunchy! Harry&David and I are getting married soon.
Number 3. I have a new obsession with ballets...
I actually had a video all ready for your viewing pleasure, but youtube is failing me and refusing to upload anything...so I suppose instead of movie time, it's going to be story time.
Friday morning I sat up in bed and saw something fuzzy and white on the floor. Initially I was thinking "great, the girls next door TP'ed our room this time. wonderful!" but once I put my glasses on, I realized that was not the case!
Hershey bars and a Christmas card included-
I couldn't believe it! How could our neighbors have put so much thought into something like this?! They even filled our stockings with movies and candy (I got to mine before I snapped the picture. Don't judge.)
I spent the rest of the morning waiting for them to wake up so I could go and thank them for being so generous! While I was studying for my calc test however, Alicia, her boyfriend, and John came back (she had spent the night at her boy's dorm and John had given them a ride back.) I jumped up so excited to show them all what the girls next door did for us, but the moment I mentioned the girls' names, both Dave and John's face's dropped.
I knew instantly why.
Turns out they stole Alicia's keys when she fell asleep, drove over here at 3:30 IN THE MORNING, broke into our dorm, and spent two. whole. hours. moving at a snails pace trying their very best to make absolutely no noise in the pitch black, just to set this up for us to wake up to!!!
How creepily romantic.
They call themselves the stealth ninjas. I just tell them they're lucky we didn't wake up. That could have caused a few issues..
It's getting late, and I have a full day planned for tomorrow, which includes phone calls to Laurel Hill as well as Hasbro Children's Hospital (I'm going to be a volunteer!), working at Panera from 11:30-3, seeing my girl Carly for a MORE than overdo visit, and hopefully being able to have an intake appointment at LH for their IOP program. Wish me luck!
But before I go, the beautiful Lexi gave this to me-
Thank you so much Lex!!
Here are seven random things about me:
1. I drink coffee like it's my job. I don't remember the last time I woke up and put something in my stomach before coffee. I start my day with two cups even before breakfast!
2. I rarely EVER study for exams. Most of the time I'm just pretending to study.
3. I stress out over everything. In fact, I stress out about not stressing when I think I SHOULD be stressing because everyone else is! ie. finals!
4. When I'm nervous or frustrated, I laugh. When I got into my first serious car accident, and the cop came over to the car- I laughed.
5. I absolutely love scrabble. I have the application on my phone and play the real game a few times a week. In fact, the only two things I wanted for Christmas was the Super Scrabble board and a Keurig.
6. I'm not a huge fan of receiving gifts. Not that I don't appreciate them and look forward to them, but I feel like I can never truly show the giver how genuinely thankful I am...and that upsets me.
7. My true passion in life is to help people. I think the best feeling in the world is making someone's life just a little bit better- and I aim to accomplish that at least once a day.
I'm sorry I've been MIA recently! I don't even know what happened...but somehow almost a MONTH passed without me posting. My apologies. Next week I have finals, and then my Christmas break will begin! There will be more frequent posting after those exams- I promise.
However...an update is still in order.
Let's try to remember my last post where I said that John had a surprise for me for our 1 month. Well, even though I guessed where we were going it was STILL amazing.
We went trail riding!
That's the only picture I could get because it was a fast-paced adventure and I dropped my phone off in the car before we departed.
Afterwards however we went into West Hartford and found this cafe called It's A Grind- HIGHLY recommended. I doubled the caffeine intake of this picture.
Oh...and we annihilated not one, not two, but THREE (almost empty) jars of peanut butter by pouring some oats (5 grain cereal...same diff.) into them. I think he liked it...
Then Thanksgiving rolled around and I went home, didn't bring my camera, hung out with friends and family, hugged a cat....the usual.
Then LAST weekend John had ANOTHER surprise for me (gosh, I am so spoiled with him...really.) Once again however, I basically knew where we were going. I had told him many-a-times that I had never been to New York before...so last Saturday we hopped a train straight to the city, and although it was cold and wet, it was still magical- especially when the rain turned to snow the MINUTE we got to see the tree at Rockefeller Center =]
Oh and by the way, if you're ever in the city make sure to stop by St. Patrick's Cathedral. My lovely Libby recommended it and I'm SO glad she did...it's breathtaking.
A few more pictureless updates...
-I went to my doctor at home over break and it turns out that I remained stable this entire semester. Although I am supposed to be gaining weight, they were still proud of me (and I was proud of myself) for being able to care for myself this semester, especially given what happened LAST semester.
-With that being said, I'm still looking into Laurel Hill Inn's IOP program for over Winter break. It's 3x a week from 5:30-8:30 at night. I have a phone intake appointment in about one hour. It can't hurt right?
-I changed my major. Natural Resources wasn't doing it for me. Now I'm in Allied Health (Health Promotion) and considering doing Occupation Therapy. I'm ecstatic and SO excited! I get to take Introduction to Companion Animals next semester. Basically- I train a cow.
-I have absolutely NO classes today. Thank you snow!!
Well, I'm off to get ready for the day. No classes doesn't mean that I have a free day! But before I go, I'll leave you with this video that basically describes John and my relationship. I was poking fun at the fact that when he says "first" he sounds all nasally. =P
Hey girls! A lot has been going on in the past few days…in regards to family, school, recovery, friends- just about everything! My therapy sessions here at school are beginning to get more constructive, but at the same time my mother and I seem to be fighting more and more. Something I’ve realized recently is that having her be so involved in my recovery has actually caused me to rely on her for approval or simply a “pat-on-the-back.” This is absolutely NOT healthy, so I’m practicing being assertive and making sure that recovery is for me and only me.
Also, I’m sitting at Starbucks now after a “coffee-date” with a girl that contacted me last year after my article was published in the paper. We have kept in contact (distant contact) since then, but we finally decided to sit down and have a good chat…and I’m SO glad that we did! She has helped me so much in the two hours we were together, and made me realize that there are things that I can do at this point to change how I am doing without having to admit myself to a treatment facility (which for me PERSONALLY is not what I feel I need). For one, I need to ditch the scale. I don’t weigh myself TOO often but I need to make sure it DOESN’T happen. Recovery isn’t about the number. Also, for the past 4 years I have gone to the doctor on a weekly (on average) basis where I find out if my weight went up, went down, or stayed the same. 4 YEARS of knowing this. So I came up with an idea…and I need all of your opinion on this before I propose this to my doctor. Would it be possible to continue my weekly appointments, but only get weighed once a month- otherwise I will simply get my vitals taken? I will still be medically safe, since it’s my heart rate and blood pressure that is most affected by my weight, but otherwise I won’t be so obsessed and preoccupied with what happens to my weight- instead health will be on the top of my mind. I am just so sick of this routine, and I NEED a change…some kind of change.
Also, I NEED to stop feeling guilty about this. Not guilty in the food-sense, but guilty in the family-sense. Every day I feel bad about what I put my family through…but getting caught up in another form of guilt will not help me. Instead, I need to accept that this is where I am, and what I’m dealing with right now. Things will change, and with it my family’s worries will decline. I need to focus on myself, as much as I don’t want to.
On ANOTHER topic however…look at all this free swag I’ve gotten recently!!!
So far I’ve only tried the amaretto coffee (heaven.in.a.cup) as well as the Dr. Kracker 3-seed flat bread. The nutritionals on these babies are impeccable!
I expected this flatbread to be…well…flat and thin. Flat it was, but thin? No way! Sure, flat creates a thinnER size, however these babies were DENSE! I am in love. Spread it with a little bit of hummus, and girls- THAT is what I call a snack =]
Another topic I was hoping to touch upon if I had the time was a topic that's been floating around Blog World recently, and that is the question as to whether or not Blogs have helped or hurt you in recovery. Now, I'm not going to get too detailed (mainly because of lack of time), however I just wanted to mention one thing. A lot of girls brought up the idea that reading food blogs helps them figure out what's normal to eat. However, I wanted to point out that people who blog about food aren't necessarily NORMAL eaters. A lot of them are healthy eaters, but they aren't actually normal eaters. Many of them are educated in nutrition, have suffered from disordered eating, or are trying to maintain lost weight. I just wanted to tell guys that it's perfectly fine to read food blogs (hell, I do!), but just be aware that normal eating is almost always best observed around you- by your family and friends, and healthy and structured eating can be found on here.
As for my eating...I've still been trying to tackle that daily fear food goal of mine, and although this doesn't happen every day, it's been happening more often than ever! Pasta? Full-fat salad dressing? Welcome to my life.
To end this post, here are a few things I've been slightly obsessed with:
Books take me out of my head, and put me into someone elses...
Puzzles keep my hands AND my mind busy...
And this....well, Chocolate+Peanut Butter+Inspirational Quotes= YES PLEASE!
Hey everyone, my name's Laura. I'm a Sophomore at the University of Connecticut and am currently trying to learn how to balance school, friends, food, and everything else that life has to offer! I'm extremely friendly, so don't be afraid to say hello!