My apologies for the lack of pictures, but I just don't find myself in the right circumstances to take pictures. However, I had a little revelation today...and I would like to share it with you.
It might be a little triggering, but if you read the whole thing I think it will make up for it!
I woke up this morning with no intent of eating breakfast (my cousin was having a baby shower with brunch included, and I figured I would just eat there.) I brewed myself a GIANT cup of coffee and got ready to go, but before we left my stomach wouldn't stop making noises! So I finished the life cereal, dressed up with soy milk and blueberries!
I got to the party and felt ED coming back! It was so stressful, that I gave myself a headache. I ended up drinking a little more coffee, and snacked on some scrambled eggs and french toast. But I wandered out of the room when it was time for desert, even though I really wanted a piece of that cake!
I was so low on energy that I napped on the way home. I knew I was going to be going to Panera (I work there for everyone who doesn't know!) to visit everyone and tell my manager when I can work over xmas break, and I was also headed to do some grocery shopping. I really wanted to have energy for both of these so I had a kashi go-lean crunch bar (1st time having the chocolate almond one, and OMGosh! so good!) and then nuked a sweet potato in the microwave. This gave me MAJOR energy, and I felt great visiting my friends and shopping!
Dinner was a veggie burger, panera's wg bread (my fav!, and I get it for free =] ) and some carrots. But afterwards I was laying on the couch and felt my stomach still grumbling, so I treated myself to two pieces of Ezeikial bread with lots of pb. I felt TERRIBLE about eating so much pb until it hit me. I had energy. I avoided food and didn't enjoy myself around my family, but then enjoyed my friends after I let myself eat. And now, I just finished my favorite snack EVER and am able to smile and chat happily with my parents.
I always find myself more okay (not grammatically correct, sorry!) with eating at night...and that needs to change, because I need to be okay during the day so I can have the energy to enjoy life!
So I'm going to begin tomorrow- eating well THROUGHOUT the day so I will have energy to live life. Because I deserve it. That's right. The first time I've EVER said that.
I DESERVE TO LIVE AND LOVE MY LIFE!
That felt good.