Sunday, December 28, 2008

Dear ED,

Dear ED,

This isn’t working. It will never work. We just want different things, and we are incompatible. You want skinny and unhappy, I want healthy and free. I know this relationship has lasted awhile, but this breakup has been a long time coming. I am stronger now, able to look into the eye of you and tell you the truth: I HATE YOU. I hate every part of you; I hate the hunger pains, the self-hate, the mind games, the lies. What IS there to like?! YOU don’t even like me, so how am I supposed to like me? I need someone who likes me for ME. You do not do that. You try to steal my identity, and be my only friend. You tell me that you can give me more comfort than my family, but how are goose-bumps and hip bones comfortable?! THEY AREN’T! You are a tease and a bully. AND I AM FINISHED WITH YOU! I can use my math skills for something BETTER than counting calories. I can use my time more wisely and take care of my body. Why do YOU try to tell me otherwise? Why are YOU the only one putting me down, and making me believe everything you say? That’s preposterous! You are a fool. My life has possibility, but you are holding me back. It’s YOUR fault that the doctors didn’t want me to go to college, and it’s YOUR fault that I see pain and heartbreak in my mom’s eyes when I get angry with her over food. Food is essential to life, so where are your lies coming from?! Why do you tell me all the things I can’t do? Why do you tell me that the scale is lying when I lose weight? Why do you tell me that a family dinner means ten pounds on the hips? Why is that? What do YOU get out of it? I surely don’t get anything but suffering, and it’s going to stop. The suffering needs to stop.
So starting today ED, there will be no more calorie counting, no more insults, and no more "you can’t eat that”, and definitely no more taking my friends, family, and happiness away. Because no matter what you say ED, I deserve ALL of that. And you….you don’t deserve ANY of it. You deserve to spend eternity in your grave, away from me, and away from EVERYONE! You are an abuser, a murderer, and a thief. You should be in PRISON!
So goodbye ED. Thank you for nothing.


Your ex, forever,
Laura

14 comments:

  1. Laura,

    You are such a strong person. When I opened this post, I was shocked but in a great way. I feel so proud of you. I know today is a hard one, but you are starting it out on a beautiful note by writing this letter. Its a great way to give yourself a voice and mute Ed a bit more. I hope you have an amazing day, and I'm so excited for you to restart your journey to recovery. YAY! Celebration =)

    Love, Amy

    PS: Ed if you're listening, I'm down with everything you just got served! Baha ;)

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  2. You are, to echo Amy, such a strong and beautiful person. ED does not deserve even a second of your time. I am confident you will endure and overcome this nightmare and come out a stronger person. <3 Much love, Jemima xx

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  3. AND ED is a cheater, making as many girls at once as miserable as possible. What a jerk! Way to take control of the situation!

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  4. Awesome letter, Laura. This is so open and honest, and the more you believe every word of this, the better things will be. I'm here for you! Take a hike, ED!

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  5. Laura - you brought tears to my eyes...your strength and passion in this post just inspired me beyond words. Thank you so much for sharing this letter - ED doesn't deserve such an amazing girl and I'm glad you finally realized that you are WAY too good for him!! I love you girl and I'm always here for you <3

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  6. Laura, I think you are amazing. And I think you are so strong. I believe in you.

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  7. Kick him to the curb, girl! You deserve better than what he offers!!

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  8. right on laura!! i hope you're having a great day without ED!

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  9. This is awesome girlie- I hope verbalizing it like this helped you! I know it helps me even to read your strong words! You are intelligent and strong and beautiful and you will get through this!

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  10. This is just an awesome post girl! Way to show ED who's boss now. You deserve SO much better than him!

    You are so strong and I know you can get through this. :)

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  11. Wow Laura, that's a great post! Keep positive!!

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