Sunday, December 7, 2008

I don't want this to be triggering!

I just need to write this down to get it out and move on.

Today started off really well. Normal. Coffee (the BEST cup I've ever had actually. Irish cream coffee with extra soymilk) and lunch was just extraordinary. I went to the gym, had a good workout, came back and poured myself a nice bowl of cinnamon life cereal and then went to the library to study (+ drink more coffee). Then dinner rolled around and for some reason I decided to just eat veggies (bad move on my part) and an apple. So when I got back to the room I was still hungry so I had a bowl of Kashi Go Lean Crunch..a BIG bowl. And ED took over and told me I was overeating and that I'm a terrible person.....and I let him convince me of it. So I went to the gym for a second time (URGH!).

When I got back I was sitting in the lounge and started to get hungry again, so I went up to my room and sat on the floor thinking about what I wanted for TEN MINUTES! I knew what I wanted, but for some reason I was very willing to let ED decide for me. I ended up bargaining with him and ate my oatmeal squares. I still felt like I OVER ATE today, so just to prove it to him I counted ALL of my calories. And you know what?

I ONLY HAD 1500 CALORIES

The reason I'm telling everyone this? To PROVE that ED is LIEING to us. He's full of shit. He tells us things that are NOT true. He makes us feel like crap for eating foods that we aren't used to.

I did all of my counting on www.mypyramid.gov and you know what? I fufilled all of my food groups today. ED is telling me that I am going to get fat but I SIMPLY HAD A GOOD DAY OF EATING. Well, ED is NOT doing this to me again. HEAR THAT ED?!?! I ATE HEALTHY TODAY, AND ENJOYED MY FOOD! AND YOU ARE NO LONGER WELCOME IN MY LIFE!





Every step you take, is a step away from where you used to be. -Brian Chargualaf

12 comments:

  1. good work girlie, it's hard to share this crap but with each word, ED dies a little :D

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  2. aww, thanks for sharing your challenging day. your mindset is really inspiring and i feel you getting stronger as each day goes on. it sounds like you had a perfectly good day of eats. unfortunately, ed likes to play games. one minute, he tells you to have veggies and an apple for dinner, but then next minute gets mad that you had to eat more later because of his small choice for dinner. gosh, does he not make sense.

    im glad you counted your calories. im glad you know that you didn't go overboard at all. next time you (ed) wants you to go to the gym for a second time, remember this situation!

    love ya girly, keep positive as always <33

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  3. Good positive thinking Laura. I'm having a rough night right now, and it's good to see you make it through a potentially troublesome situation. :)

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  4. CONGRATS!! You listened to your body and it proved ED el-wrongo :) I'm proud of you girl!!

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  5. im sorry you had kind of a tough day :/ but its amazing that you can take a step back and recognize your feelings. thats a huge step in the right direction! keep it up girl!!

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  6. Congratulations for positive thinking. You definitely are success! Keep it up girlie!

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  7. Yay, you kicked ED's ass! Keep thinking positive!

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  9. Every step you take, is a step away from where you used to be. -Brian Chargualaf
    THIS IS SOOOOOOOOOOOOO TRUE!!!!!

    Girl Im glad you were able to put reality into perspective and not let Ed ruin your day completly!!! I really think that a huge part of recovering is being able to know what is real and what is Ed induced thoughts. Good for you hun to see that!

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  10. thanks for the veggie dog tip! i will look for those morningstar's :)

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  11. don't beat yourself up about it laura!! i've been reading your blog for about a week now and you seem to be making some great progress!!! just keep yourself focused on your GOAL!! you can do it girl! keep rockin it

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  12. Hooray!! Don't let the eating disorder take charge!!

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