Thursday, December 25, 2008

I just can't do it anymore.

Can't be without you ladies, that is!

These past few days have been...interesting. Regardless of blogging or not, ED is still in my head and seems to be getting worse and I just don't know what to do! I also have had this never ending hunger, which I eat to satisfy but there is no satisfying happening! I don't know what's going on!

I hope everyone had a fantastic Christmas! And of course, got everything they hoped for =]
My gifts included:
A new Verizon LG Envy phone!
The Sims complete pack for Mac (dream house here I come!)
A laptop bag
21 (the movie!)
Gift cards and other typical presents.

How lucky are we that our families can afford such nice things for us? I mean, I hear about people who get so SO many expensive gifts, and a part of me gets jealous for an instant, until I realize that I am truly happy just as I am. Sure, I only have a few presents under the tree...but they are usually things that I open and can't WAIT to use! And there are some people who don't even get gifts on Christmas, which is so heartbreaking for me to think about. That's why I try to volunteer my time during the Holiday season so when I unwrap my gifts on Christmas day, there is no guilt involved!

So...I have decided that instead of giving up blogging completely, I am going to try to limit the time I spend on it. It's true that I've spend SO much more time with my friends and family over this past week...however, I might have still kept up with some of your blogs =] I just can't do without you gals!

So here's my POA. I'm going to read everyone's blogs once in the morning, and once at night, and limit the number of posts I publish. I think typing how I feel, and about my day is important...however I don't want it to become my only form of venting. I have people in my life too that I can talk to! But I LOVE this little community that we have going here...and I don't really know what I would do without you guys. I realized over these past few days that blogging has actually helped me in a sense. A few months ago, peanut butter would NOT have been allowed, despite it being my favorite food. But today, on Christmas, I had it TWICE! (P.S. Amy...I had a waffle with pb this morning for breakfast!)

I have one thing that I wanted to mention though, and I don't really know what to think about it so feedback would be great.

When I was getting my dinner together tonight, my mom walked into the kitchen and randomly said "I just want you to know that if you don't eat the cakes or cookies I make, or anything like that...it doesn't make me feel bad. Those are considered extra's, and as long as you're eating the things you're supposed to like peanut butter and margarine, then it's fine by me."

Ehhh. It was just so random! And I had definitely had a cookie today, right in front of her! (Which I told her about and she doesn't remember). I don't know...ED was jumping for joy but I was honest with her and told her that I really want to be comfortable with those foods...but I'm just slowly becoming more comfortable with the other ones. She told me that it was good to hear.

I don't even know if you would have any thoughts on that?

<3 Missed you guys. =]

8 comments:

  1. yayayay so glad you posted tonight! and even better that you had an amazing christmas (sounds like it at least) !! Great gifts also :) Im glad you have a plan in regards to blogging. I've found that being home, Im less interested in spending all day on the computer, this reading blogs less and posting less, especially in terms of long posts. But its still an important thing for me.

    YAY for the pb & waffle breakfast! Thanks for the shoutttout :)

    As for your moms comment, I think she was just trying to let you know that she understands that cake and cookies are difficult foods. Just a thought, but it seems like she cares a lot about you girly.
    Love ya! Merry Christmasss!

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  2. im with amy on that one..about the momma situation mine is the saaame way. keep on keepin on lady!

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  3. well having my lovely laura back in blogworld was an amazing last minute christmas surprise :)!!!! (even though i secretly knew..muahaha!)

    SO glad you're back girl - you were extremely missed! but i definitely agree with your plan to monitor your blogging... I think blogging is extremely positive but we can't allow ourselves to invest 100% of ourselves and the success of our recovery into it...it has helped me immensely but i've recognized a little excessive blog-use .. so i think i may steal your morning/night plan - if you don't mind of course :)

    I definitely agree with Amy and think that your mom just wanted you to feel comfortable and not feel obligated to eat cakes and cookies or feel as though you were expected to.. I think this just shows that shes beginning to understand that it's a slow progress and takes babysteps to build up to foods like cake and cookies. It sounds like shes very supportive of you and just wants you to be comfortable and at ease.

    Glad you had such a good holiday miss :) can't wait to catch up with you <3

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  4. YAY - glad to have you back, girl! I understand your need to limit yourself though, whatever works best for you will work best for all of us readers :)

    Mom's comment: I agree with the above. I think she wants to make you as comfortable as can be while supporting you through this time.

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  5. Yay! Welcome back. I think your new blogging plan is great -- everything in moderation, right?

    I also agree with everybody else about your mom's comment. I'm glad you were able to enjoy the holiday!

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  6. So glad you decided to come back! I do think that what you're planning on doing sounds good. Consciously limiting the time you spend here will be a good thing I think. It won't become an obsession, but it will be somewhere you can come in your free time when you need something to do :)

    About your mom's comment. I think she was probably trying to make you feel at ease, and not pressured to try any foods that may make you uncomfortable. For example, my mom sometimes will ask me if I want her to "separate out some of the meal" before she cooks, so that I can prepare it in my own way. Like she's afraid I will freak out if she cooks something in a way that makes me uncomfortable. But I know that her asking about it, causes me anxiety too, so I know where you're coming from. I hope that made sense, and I'm glad you had such an amazing Christmas. I love all your gifts!

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  7. heya girlie,
    im so happy your back :) missed reading your blog and lovely comments!!
    aw im sorry the eds been worse but mayb now your back we can all help you with quieting the voice down.
    i hope u had a lovely xmas. and im sure your mum jus wanted you to feel like there was no pressure on you and didnt mean it in a negative way....and hey now its all the more reason to eat the stuff and show her your so much more powerful than the ed!! i know how u feel cause ive been pretty much soley responsible for my eating, like if im not eatin enough my mum doesnt push me to eating more, she sometimes says something but sometimes doesnt, and i think its cause she knows if im only eatin to please her someday when i move out and am alone i cud jus not eat cause no ones around...its like she wants me to eat for me, and my health, not jus to prove something to her.
    anyways love glad ur back, loves ya
    xxxxx

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  8. glad to have you back honey! definitely missed having you around & i'm glad you will be posting here and there! i truly still believe that you should do WHATEVER YOU FEEL is going to be THE BEST for you! if it means blogging 5 times a day thats FINE if it means once a week THATS FINE TOO!!!! i think maybe you should take some time and consider what makes you really happy... if blogging causes you stress-- limit it! if blogging helps you vent-- do it up!!! but i hope you know that no matter what you decide-- i will always support it!! and congrats on the peanut butter-- that was a big fear food of mine too :) xoxoxo

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