Monday, December 15, 2008

It's a doctor-monday...once again.

I am always so afraid of going to this doctor. She checks my heart rate, blood pressure, temperature, and of course my weight. I've been sent to the hospital by her before, and I am always paranoid that I'll be sent again.

Today is going to be a little different though. For three years my mom has always brought me. But last night I wrote my mom a two page note explaining why I wanted to go alone today, and this morning I woke up with a note from her and a check to cover the copay of the appointment. I'm going alone...and I'm not sure if that's going to help.

Another thing that I wanted to talk about today are some of the health effects of Eating Disorders.
A lot of people know the basics. Being underweight is a very obvious health hazard, especially to that person's heart. Not eating right can also lead to anemia, osteoporosis, low or high blood pressure, infertility, liver failure, depression, and lower body temperature...just to name a few.

There is one specific health effect that I have been struggling with since this whole thing began, and I have yet to meet anyone with the same problem. A lot of people with low body fat report feeling cold all the time. However, my body has taken it to the next extreme. Instead of just having blue nails like a lot of ED patients, when I get cold my body pulls all of the blood away from my fingers and toes in order to use it for my body itself. This is extremely scary! And it happens ALL the time.

Remember that fire station party that I went to on Saturday night? It happened there. If I get a chill, I can't shake it. On top of my toes hurting so much that I can't walk, I am terrified that my circulation won't come back. It ruins whatever I am doing during the winter ALL the time.

I think this is one of the most important things for me to get rid of. I have also been diagnosed with osteopenia, however I am doing the best I can every day to include more calcium into my diet. THIS circulation problem has stuck with me, and affected me for 3 years too long! The doctors said it may never go away...but they also said that getting more body fat on me MIGHT help it go away....and that is a chance I am willing to take!

So think long, and think hard about the little things that ED does to your body that affects your life. Now...think about how GREAT life would be without it.

It would be a pretty nice life, wouldn't it?


  1. Aww I'm sorry you're stressing about the docs :( Remember it's all for the best - it's good they're keeping an eye on you. I too suffer awfully from the cold.. I've been colder with ED than I've ever been in my life. It's horrible. Keep fighting the battle, hun, it will be a good life for us all.

  2. Don't be afraid, Laura. You are doing very well, and should be proud of your progress. It sounds like this doctor only wants what is HEALTHIEST for you. We WILL be free from our disorders one day, I honestly believe that. It just is going to take a lot of time, patience, and dedication :)

  3. I totally understand how certain doc's offices bring back terrifying memories or being sent to the hospital. I have a few which represent that kind of feeling, and its never fun to go, but you can get through the mental struggle, I know this :)
    Eek, never heard of the fingers/toes issue of bloog circulation, but I hope it gets better for you! Physical complications are EYE-OPENENING for getting better, aren't they?
    I also have osteopenia, I'm with ya girl :) Stay (bone) strong! hehe <3

  4. :( Sorry about the circulation problems! I have horrid circulation for other reasons and it is pretty scary when fingers/toes go white. If you want to talk to me you know I'm just one email away!

    Good luck today with the doctor, don't be afraid - they're there to help!

  5. I hope all goes well with the doctor! Stay strong!

  6. Good luck with the doctor, it will be ok, you are STRONG!!!!! (Ed wants you to think otherwise!)

    I have suffered from the exact same circulation problem to my extremeties for the point past blue where I lose all feeling. it is scary. we do NOT deserve to do this to our bodies. our HEALTH is more important!!!!

  7. heya hun,
    oh look in ur previous post...i jus commented in that last one by accident

  8. hey girl - good luck at the doctor today.. i know it's scary but your so strong and i know you can do it!!! just remember, FOOD is your medicine right now... just eating fufilling, delicious, satisfying, nutritious food will warm those fingers and toesies right up (i know.. it sounds so easy right??) just go to the doctor with an opened mind and then come home and focus on satisfying your BODY.. not your ED. i'll be keeping you in my thoughts today!

  9. Hey sweetie, be strong today, and know what an empowered woman you are becoming through all of this! I too have struggled with the many lingering, sometimes permanent effects. Im sending you lots of love and warm wishes ;)
    On a brighter note, check out my post this morning for a little sumthin sumthin in your name ;)

  10. You are not alone...the same thing happens to my fingers and toes. I actually never thought that is caused by ED, but of course it is! I just thought I had bad circulation. It really scares me too!

  11. Hey girly, I already had poor circulation but when I was anorexic the same thing happened to me. Now that I'm recovered, the blood flow has definitely improved-- I only had to gain about 10 pounds for that problem to go away or return to the pre-anorexia state. I know it's scary, but I guess it's just more motivation to recover?

    You can do this. I know you can!