Saturday, December 27, 2008

Tomorrow.

Tomorrow marks the 3 year anniversary of my relationship with ED. It's been a rough three years, but I have never felt stronger against him during this time of year.

There are still no pictures in this post, but I carried a little sticky note around with me yesterday and jotted down a few things I wanted to mention on here, because I ALWAYS seem to think of things and then forget when I'm ready to type them! So annoying! =P

1. About the comment my mom made. I know that she was just trying to make me more comfortable, but I guess I just wasn't sure if it was really going to help, or just feed ED. Because when she said it I felt a HUGE weight lifted off of my shoulders, and I could almost hear ED saying "sorry, no sweets for you!". I haven't had any since, even though those little peanut butter cookies with the Hershey Kiss, and my aunts homemade chex mix is my favorite! I think I'm still going to try to challenge myself, but knowing that my mom isn't expecting me to is kind of making it harder. It's very confusing, but thank you so much for your feedback! Hearing my mom say something like that really showed me that she's beginning to understand what I am going through. Usually she is always by the book- I need to eat certain things, gain weight, and everything will be fine. But hearing her say what she did shows me that she is actually listening to what I tell her. Which makes me feel good =]

2. I was at work yesterday, and one of the orders that rang through was for a bagel with cream cheese. I sliced, toasted, and plated it....but put reduced fat cream cheese on the plate by accident. I handed the woman (who was honestly the perfect weight, she was so healthy looking!) the plate, and she looked at the cream cheese, then at me, and asked if she could have the regular one instead. I don't know why this really hit a note for me, but seeing that not everyone is thankful to get RF cream cheese by accident really showed ED that not everyone thinks like me. People eat what they want, and what they think tastes better. So HA ED!

3. I wrote down the word "gym" and don't remember what I was going to say! Ah well. My day today is going to be pretty busy. I'm headed to the gym shortly, then home for lunch, and then I'm working 3-11:30! Oh gosh! At least I'm closing with, ahem, this kid I like. Who happens to be friends with this OTHER kid at work who asked me out on a date yesterday. AHHH so confusing!! Have a great great GREAT Saturday everyone!!

8 comments:

  1. It seems like a lot of bloggers have been saying that this holiday season has been more relaxed/happier than in previous years -- yay!

    On both points one and two, I really understand. It's sort of like when you're hanging out with dieting friends, it gives ED a good opportunity to stick his nose in everything, since other people are also 'being careful'. But I also have a friend who has the most positive, normal relationship with food I've ever seen, and I love hanging out with her. She makes me feel that it's okay to indulge a little bit without going crazy!

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  2. Laura - You should be so proud of all the progress you have made in the past three years. I'm so glad you are able to say you feel strong against ED ... This time of year can be extremely triggering but you made it through with positivity and strength! I am so proud of you girl - you are doing so great!

    I love that story about the woman who ordered the bagel. The fact that she didn't just accept the reduced fat cream cheese or think for a second "hmm..maybe I should have to reduced fat, that would probably be better for me.." is such an eye opener. It's so crazy to think that there are people in the world (lotsa people, for that matter) that just eat regular fat foods and arn't constantly thinking of what foods will make them gain weight and what foods won't.

    have a great day at the gym and work love! ah I want to hear details on this boy you like! AND the boy that asked you on the date.. what did you say?!?! do you like him at all?! give me the gossip girlie!

    p.s. I'm emailing you in response to some comments you left on my blog :)

    talk to you later miss <3 xoxo

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  3. Glad to hear you came to that conclusion with number 2!

    Woohoo for working with a boy you like :) How exciting - have fun!

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  4. Wow girly, you have been busy! But thanks for popping in for a post :) Im glad you are feeling stronger than you have in the past 3 years. Anniversaries are hard, and ed loves to relish in the fact that he's taken so many years from you. he loves numbers after all. i know this will be a turning point for you.

    i understand how your mom was just fueling ed's power, but at the same time, like you said, at least she understands how hard it can be. the sweets sound so good, i hope you get to try one at least! good luck with the challenge :)

    love the story about panera. great example of healthy role models and normal eating.

    ooh good luck with the gym, work, and the BOY sitch! gotta love the crush triangle goin on <3

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  5. Isn't it nice when you have those enlightening little moments that give you hope that not the *whole* world is messed up over food? I'm so glad you are able to look back at the fantastic progress you've made. You are amazing, strong and I know that 2009 will be the year of ED dying for all of us in this little blog circle of recoverers XD

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  6. isn't it so nice to be able to look back a few years and see how far you've come? really inspiring i think :)

    loove the work-related love triangles. so dramatic! there's nothing like a cute boy to get you through a 9 hour shift :)

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  7. your positive outlook and words are so wonderful to hear! :) you do what you think feels best!

    the panera story was interesting to hear because i remember i used to do that with my dog (constantly controlling his treats, etc) very sad! but i think its a great moment that you will always remember when ed is trying to get you down. because just knowing that you will someday be able to live your life without food being in control is an encouraging reminder :)

    enjoy your day and hopefully work will be fun! xo

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  8. Wow, that second story is great. Really puts things into perspective. And I think overall, you have come so far. And you're doing wonderful. Stay strong. Stay strong. Because I know, you are progressing.

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