Sunday, January 25, 2009

Bad Mood Sunday.

Girls, I don't know what's wrong, and I hate being negative on here but I promised everyone I would be honest on here so I am going to be!

I woke up this morning, made myself a cup of coffee, and then headed to the gym. I decided to weigh myself again this morning, simply because I'm curious as to how this new meal plan is working with my body. Prior to stepping on that scale, however, I did feel MUCH larger than yesterday (because apparently I can double my weight overnight? Thanks ED.) Well...turns out I am NOW at my lowest weight. I lost some more, which scares me SO much. I have been eating SO much more and exercising less, and I haven't even been hungry (it's been YEARS since I can say that) yet the scale says I'm down.

Well, you can bet your bottom dollar that I marched right on out of that gym. The girl who swiped me in must have thought I was crazy because I had JUST gotten there. Oh well, Sunday is supposed to be the day of rest right?

Well I've been eating according to the plan again, and I just feel miserable. I'm exhausted and unmotivated and just randomly got extremely home sick. I am just frustrated with my lack of friends and my lack of any form of motivation to get out. I literally reached a point where I started tearing up while talking to my roommate about it (who is extremely close to her family, and home sick as well).

I was trying to push past it and get some homework done when my mom IM's me. Now, I know we don't really have a good relationship but I miss her regardless and wanted her to know. She asked me how I was doing and I simply responded:

"I've only been here a week and I'm already missing home!
I'm not having that good of a day"

I was really hoping she would ask me why, or say SOMETHING to make me feel better, but instead she just said:

"i'm sorry to hear that.
hope it gets better for you
2 more questions and i'll let you go
1. did you get my im about keeping your book receipts (even from last semester)? We need them for taxes"

=/ I'm really upset right now. I just wanted her to sound like she cared, but I told her I wanted to talk to her later and we'll see how that works out.

I don't want to sound miserable or self absorbed or anything! I just want comfort in my life. From anyone...

16 comments:

  1. Oh lovie I'm so sorry - it sounds like you're having a horrible day but you just have to keep your chin up and remember tomorrow isn't that far away. You maybe need to think about upping your diet now, love, your metab is obviously speeding up! And I hope your talk with your roomie goes well. <3 you loads and thinking of you, Jemima xxx

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  2. I am so sorry Laura... I know exactly, EXACTLY how you are feeling, and it sucks! Being at school makes me feel so alone, and sometimes all we need is someone to care... I hope you know that I care about you as well as all the other bloggers on here! You can always utilize us to vent to and gain advice from! I'm proud of you for leaving the gym and being determined to gain weight... YOU CAN DO THIS! YOU CAN! Have you been able to increase your calories, or are you struggling? Talk to us love, we are here for you <3

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  3. Aw, sorry to hear it's a been a rough day for you! And I've had exchanges just like yours today with my mom, and I know how it seems extra hurtful. It's usually a case of me being upset that my mom couldn't read my mind, when I think about it later! I wonder if your mom thought that when you said you were having a bad day that that was code for 'I don't really want to talk right now.' You would (obviously) know better than me, but I'm always trying to see things from everybody's point of view.

    Anyway, I am SO PROUD of you for leaving the gym! You are so in control of this; even though things aren't going quite as planned right now, things will start going better soon!

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  4. Laura - I am so sorry your struggling so much hun.. i know how frustrating it is to see that you are losing but if your following your meal plan and not exercising as much then you are doing exactly what you need to do girl and you should be PROUD OF YOURSELF. Although the scale doesn't show it - that doesn't mean your not making progress! please try to remain positive and keep moving forward!

    I know it's tough feeling as though you have no comfort or support but NEVER FORGET THAT I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR YOU! as well as the other girls <3 you are such a wonderful woman and I want to help you in whatever way i can! Love you girl - keep smiling :)!

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  5. hiya girlie,

    im so sorry to hear your having a down day, but remeber girl, its all part of recovery...theres so many ups and downs and when your feeling down try to remeber: this is just one day, or one rough patch that WILL pass...try get some comfort outta knowing that this feeling is just a feeling that will change. things will get better for you hun!! your trying so hard right now and id say your metabolism must defo be speeding up by the sounds of it. especially if your experiencing night sweats or random sweating, shaking and increasing hunger (even though you said you werent hunry today). id defo ask your doc/nutirionist about it if your weight keeps going down. but hun your doing your best and im so proud of you for that!
    and the fact that your not happy abpout being at your lowest weight shows how far uve come...if you were still completely taken over by the ed youd be happy but your not cause you know you wanna get healthy and thats what counts.

    i can really relate to you about feeling sad for not having many friends..i dont have any close friends anymore at all and feel very isolated but im stayin positive and remaining optimistic that things will get better.

    things WILL get easier and better for you sweetie, just hang in!! and im sooo proud of you for leaving the gym, it was the right thing to do! keep nourishing yourself and hopefully things will be better this week!

    im always here for you WHENEVER you need to talk, just email me!
    hang in there girlie,
    love you loads
    xxxxx

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  6. Awh, sorry to hear about that. Maybe your mom was having lots on her mind. Keep your chin up! I miss home too!

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  7. I am so sorry you are having a hard day, if I could reach through the pc and hug you I would, a BIG comforting hug!!! Understand that the feeling you feel are normal, I am glad that you have your room mate at the least to talk to about being homesick. Im sorry about your mom, I do understand, as my mother is much like yours... do not let her bring down your happiness though, if she is not there to comfort then do as you did, talk to a friend, go for a walk, write in a journal, watch a funny show, read a book. Those things help me. EMAIL one of us sweetie!! :)

    Keep trying with the weight... I am in the exact same situation... I am eating more than I think I ever have before yet cant seem to gain a lb and it discourages me sometimes, then I realize it is a journey, we arent going to wake up and be at a healthy weight... and in the meantime, we stay focused on where we want to be and try to eat more... sounds like metabolism is kicking it up!!

    HUGS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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  8. I'm so sorry to hear you're going through such a tough time right now, Laura. It makes me proud to hear that you left the gym though - you recognized that working out was NOT in the cards and that's huge! I'm also bummed by your mom's response. I hope your conversation with her later today goes well - maybe try to tell her how you feel when she says things like that? Don't give up, keep up the fight! You're a strong girl and you CAN DO THIS!!

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  9. laura my baby!! don't be so hard on yourself and jump to conclusions that the meal plan "is not working" it took me almost 1 month of the new plan to see ANY weight gain whatsoever... just keep pluggin and chuggin away at it-- it will HAPPEN and once it does (very slowly and gradually-- you will feel soooo good :) i'm so sorry about your mum-- im sure she loves u sooo much and wants to be tehre for you but maybe she just doesn't know what to say? maybe you could tell her how bad you need her to hear you out as her daughter-- i think if you find a way to speak to her heart (ie- mom i'm really upset and i need comfort from you)-- she will know what to say:) dont worry girll and u know i'm always here if you need. xoxox

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  10. I am so sorry that your day did not go well. But girl you showed some amazing strength today and definitely shut your ED down. I was so impressed! Never in my life could I have ever done such a thing--you totally blew me away. I understand too how hard it can be to have a rocky relationship with your madre. For a while me and my mom all but hated each other, but then slowly, S L O W L Y, we have managed to establish a type of friendship. I hope that the same will happen for you. Also, don't freak out too much about the weight loss. I have heard a lot (from professionals and my EDU team and such) that when you start refeeding your body, your metabolism goes into hyper drive and might actually cause you to lose some weight. But eventually things will start to go the right way again. Stay strong girl!

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  11. AW baby love I am giving you mad hugs right now too...I agree with BreakingFree- I have heard numerous times from experts that feeding your body the amount it needs actually revs it up and it starts using all that you're giving it! So you might not see weight gain at all, but that does not mean you're not maintaining, and that your body doesn't use and need all that yummy food! Love ya girl, maybe you can call your daddy and talk to him about some of your feelings?? xo

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  12. do u think shes playing the tough love role? or do u think she doesnt understand and wont listen? my mom can be a pretty tense woman, its v hardto approach her about alot! i hope u got my email.

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  13. So sorry you had a bad day. I'm thinking of you. Hope you feel better!

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  14. I was just browsing and saw your post and it gave me goosebumps because I know EXACTLY how you feel Laura. My mom does the same thing with me-I'll tell her I'm upset or resorting back to unhealthy ways and she'll say I'm sorry to hear that, brush it off and move on to another subject. We have to remain strong, positive and healthy for ourselves. Our mom's do this not because they don't love us but they're personalities are different and they don't really know how to cope with these kinds of issues-at least that's what's up with my mom. You can do this girl be strong!!

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  15. Nothing But Sunshine-
    Hey girl! I tried commenting on your page but it won't let me. I'm not sure if you'll read this but I really hope you do because I would love to talk to you!!

    <3

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  16. Hi Laura,
    I don;t know what's going on with my blog..it should be working. but please feel free to email me marox23@aol.com
    xo

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