Friday, January 30, 2009

Interview!

Good morning!
I'm sorry I wasn't able to update this last night. I was planning on coming back after the interview and updating everyone, but after I showered I literally passed out! Yesterday was an incredibly busy and long day, and I'm SO happy that friday has come and I have a chance to breathe!

BUT

Onto the interview, shall we?

It went extremely well! The girl who interviewed me (Julie) was an absolute doll! She was so sincere and genuine, and made me feel as comfortable as possible. However, she did ask me a few questions that really made me think...and I actually couldn't answer! At least, not on the spot! All-in-all I think it went really well, and she's even going to send me the article before it's published to make sure she didn't include any information that I wasn't comfortable with! How great is she?! Oh...and despite the awkwardness...she let me snap a photo of her for you lovely ladies:



Isn't she cute?! (And no Julie, I'm not just saying that because I know you're reading this =P )
She actually said something that was so inspiring. She was really interested in how I coped with college and my peers and basically just societies push for thinness and dieting. I talked to her a little about how it's been difficult, but something that I have to learn to live with and she mentioned that even though she's never cared about her weight, and that she's happy with who she is, she can understand how much emphasis society puts on girls to look "perfect". Honestly, I respect and admire her SO much for being so confident in her own skin. I mean, she has no reason not to be! And neither do any of us.

She actually mentioned two things that I wanted to expand on a little. I'm not exactly sure where I'm going with these, as I'm thinking while typing. However, I'm going to give it a shot!

1. Towards the end of the interview, she stated that she was surprised by how positive I was, and she never would have thought that I had an eating disorder. This really bothered me. Not in the "why did you say that, I'm so upset at you!" sort of way, but in the "that really shows you that people don't know much about eating disorders"- way. No wonder people throw around the label "anorexic" effortlessly, and in a negative fashion. It's because people don't KNOW how wonderful and genuine and beautiful the real sufferers are. They only know the celebrities and the few people who go on talk shows who are at the very worst of their disease; and who can be positive at that point?! That truly inspires me to put myself out there and show everyone that you can't place a face or a label on anorexia (or any eating disorder). We are real people, with a drive to recover and a past that will always haunt us- but that doesn't mean we aren't role models, positive thinkers, the next Einstein (=P), whatever!

2. Compliments. My absolute biggest fear (sort of). So why am I so afraid of them? Well, thanks to my dear Julie...I realized it. About half-way through our talk, she complimented me on my writing, and mentioned that I should write for them as well (with a little awkward laugh thrown in there as well....but a genuine compliment never-the-less). I, of course, mentioned that I didn't think so, but thanked her regardless. And then it hit me. I'm scared of letting people down. I'm scared that the next time she reads my blog, she will realize that I'm actually a terrible writer, and she was wrong and never should have mentioned it to me. I'm scared that I'm going to lose my ability to write and everything is going to go downhill. I'm scared of failure.
WHAT IS THAT?!?! I have always written this way, and I have always gotten compliments (despite denying them!). If someone compliments my hair, it's always going to be my hair. It isn't suddenly going to fall off, or turn into a fro. It's MINE and I can do WHATEVER I like with it...even if it doesn't satisfy everyone. I write because I enjoy it. I don't write to impress. If I wanted to write-to-impress I would be in journalism or something similar to that! I need to learn to accept the compliments, and run with them...not away from them!



Girls- I hope you have an AMAZING friday! Do what you need to do, push forward, smile, and LOVE YOURSELF! You deserve it!
<3

14 comments:

  1. Laur - I am so proud of you doing that interview (as if i haven't said that enough!) and Julie is super cute - I'm glad you were able to feel comfortable to open up with her!

    thank you thank you THANK YOU for mentioning that misconception that all people who suffer from ED's are "grumpy" and "negative" and "moody"..I feel like people think we are just like inhuman monsters who don't have real lives outside of our disorders.. we are beautiful, positive, intellectual girls who live our lives just like anyone else! I also hate when people tend to generalize.. "well - I know one girl who was anorexic and a real bitch..so they all must be".. so ignorant!

    well thank you again girl for shedding light on so many of our lives.. you are a inspiration and have become such a positive and important part of my life - love you! <3 xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  2. I am SO proud of you! That's awesome, and I think it's great that the interview helped you realize a few things about yourself and your recovery as well. :)

    Have a great Friday!

    ReplyDelete
  3. I'm so happy that the interview was a positive experience!

    I wonder if that feeling of being 'found out' -- the one that keeps you from accepting compliments -- stems from feeling as though your appearance is a lie. I can speak only for myself, but I know that when somebody tells me that I'm looking great or fit, I think, 'Oh, if only you knew...' I could see how that feeling of a 'double life' could expand to other ways that people see us.

    Of course, we're also trained by society from a young age to be modest, just like we're trained to think we need to be thin. Think about it -- how many young women would honestly say, 'Yeah! I AM super talented and amazing!' without a touch of sarcasm or irony? Probably about as many who could honestly say they have absolutely no problem with the shape of their bodies.

    I'm so proud of you, Laura, and those are some great insights!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Babydoll - I'm SO happy it went well! HI JULIE :)

    Your reflections are wonderful! I think when it comes to eating people only see the extremes - if you look like you're at a healthy weight then your fine, right!? Not necessarily and I wish people could see that. I'm extremely humble, I don't like taking compliments at all and when I do get them I feel to awkward! I try to take the compliment as it is and not think too much into it (i.e. were they fishing for compliments, did they really mean it, etc.)

    Be proud girl! You ARE fabulous :D

    ReplyDelete
  5. hi girlie,

    ok so i was soo proud of you whilst reading this!! im so glad you did the interview and gave a glimpse of what people who suffer from eds are like, and proved that were not like the stereotypes people perceive us as. in fact there is no "type" of person who develops a disorder..it can happen to anyone, its just some of us are a little more prone to the enviornment and what we take in than others. im glad people will read that article and see that were not the monsters or wierdos were percieved to be..i defo blame shows for that typical steroetype.

    your reflections are great . it really shows how much self awareness youve been practisiing :) its so good for personal development and recovery and i think each small or big realization puts us further towards our recovery goal.

    if your comfortable with it id love to read the article if you decide to post it!!

    have a great day sweetie,
    much love
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  6. Hey sweetie~

    That's so awesome that you did this interview and showed people both how nomal sufferers are but also how hard this struggle can be.

    About some of the points you made. First when I entered this blogging community, I was a bit surprised and taken aback by the optimism exuded by everyone. I admit that I am a very negative person. And I assumed that it was individuals with my outlook on life that had similiar issues with body dysmorphia. I love how positive everyone is though because it helps me take a more positive outlook.

    Secondly, I also have trouble accepting compliments. I always feel so awkward getting complimented, no matter what it is. And I never really knew why, bt you are totally right. When I was around 15 or so, my mom said outright that my biggest fear is failure. And that made sense at the time, and it has continued to be my biggest fear. So it completely makes sense now that I feel awkward getting compliments because that tells me that there are now expectations of me -- and I don't want to fail anyone!

    Anyways, thanks for the revelation :)
    I hope the rest of your day is going well. TGIF!
    Take Care.

    ReplyDelete
  7. i'm glad to hear the interview went so well! that is wonderful and great news!

    and i totally hear you on both of the topics brought up, esp the second one. i have a very very had time accepting any sort of compliment, but i'm still learning that i don't have to be perfect all the time!

    ReplyDelete
  8. so basically i love your blog. i've been reading for a month or so and you crack me up and seem so sweet.

    i also have similar issues with my madre as well sometimes, unfortunately.

    the interview sounds great, and totally agree, especially on your last 2 comments. go read eating in the light of the moon...now! :]

    the author says something like " the women I treated are some of the most creative, bright, kind, and beautful people i know" she also talks about how the reason some girls develop EDs vs. others is that we tend more perceptive, mature, bright, and sensitive, which can isolate us and cause ED. she says it better, which is why you must read it. amy of coffee talk also mentioned it on her blog and it rocks.

    http://getyourassonthemat.wordpress.com/

    ReplyDelete
  9. glad the interview went well. i hope you truly realize what a wonderful writer you are!
    have a great weekend,
    -Katie

    ReplyDelete
  10. Hey girl,
    So of course I'm reading this....and soooo flatteredddd with everything you said. You are an incredible person and I can't wait to write your story :) Please keep in touch!

    And I wish my eyes were open in that picture ;)

    Julie

    ReplyDelete
  11. that is SO awesome, yay julie seems like a great girl! That's really interesting about the first point you made...I've noticed that often, people I encounter with ED's are usually the MOST positive and upbeat...truly b/c we have become so good at hiding the extreme pain, sadness, and hunger that we feel deep down. It's sad, but it's a pretty deep concept- and I know that once i realized it was ok to be sad once in a while, and show it..it helped my recover a lot :D Love ya girl!

    ReplyDelete
  12. So glad the interview went well!!! Yay for you!!

    ReplyDelete
  13. excellenteeee laura :-)))) i printed this post out--it speaks VOLUMES AND U WROTE IT SO DAMN WELL!!

    take that as a compliment! accept it!! EMBRACE IT!!!!

    ReplyDelete
  14. this is so awesome, that you were able to open up and give an honest interview and speak out for all the other ED sufferers out there (including me). thank you laura, you are an amazing person and this post has given me lots to reflect upon.

    ReplyDelete