Sunday, January 11, 2009

A little concerned.

I'm starting to feel myself becoming a little concerned about how this blog is affecting my recovery. I mean, in some ways it has helped tremendous amounts, especially having the support from such amazing, beautiful, and inspiring people! However, I have also realized that although I have conquered many fear foods, I have also become so much more strict with certain things. For example, chips are completely off limits and a sandwich is considered lunch in itself. Also, this thing I have going with peanut butter. I'm not really sure if it's healthy. I mean, I never ate this much peanut butter until I started reading blogs, and now I honestly can't go a day without it! I mean...I guess that's not a terrible thing, but I won't even TOUCH ice cream anymore, and if I don't see something eaten on a blog, then I won't eat it myself.

It's almost as if I've become addicted to nutrition. Like, anything that wouldn't be considered healthy by all of you here, I won't touch. Things that I used to eat ALL the time (cookies, white rice, sunchips, ice cream, etc). And all I do is compare! I know it's ED talking, but I compare everything from workouts to daily eats. (Did I mention I was never THIS hardcore about working out until I started reading blogs).

I guess I just don't know what to do. I'm confused. Maybe it's simply because I'm exhausted right now, but I would appreciate SOME advice.

<3 Love you girlies.

14 comments:

  1. i can completely relate love - sometimes i make food decisions based on what i've seen and read on other blogs. what we need to understand is that everyone functions differently. a lot of "bloggers" are dietitians and nutritionists who study food and health for a living! we cannot ever hold ourselves to the same standard as them. also, a lot of us on here are in recovery, and openly admit to having a lot of FEAR foods! i say, if you want a bowl of ice cream after dinner, enjoy the HECK out of it, and come back on your blog to CELEBRATE your triumph over the fear food! chances are, you'll get praise, not judgment! oh and GIRLLLLL, too much peanut butter?! are you craaazyyyy? there's no such thing! (unless of course you aren't enjoying it and are eating it because you feel a certain "need" to.) i'm always here to talk to and vent to, so use me as a resource! i want to see you happy love! :)

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  2. Hey Laura, as much as I love having you as a part of this whole community, what you are describing is not sounding good. I'm just being honest with you love, and to tell you the truth, it might be best if you give up the blogging world until you progress further in recovery. Comparisons are what ED thrives on, and if that's what starting to happen with the blog, then it's not a positive part of your life right now. I am sure that in the future you'll be ready to come back here, but right now, ED is interfering and you do not want to allow him ANY outlets to come into your life.

    Good luck with whatever you decide, I'm supporting you either way! ;)

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  3. i know what you mean doll! it's hard to read blogs and not compare-- just know that we are always hear for you and support YOU! we are on YOUR side! if you need another break from blogging TAKE ONE & DONT FEEL BAD ABOUT IT!! do what is best for you!!!! xoxox

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  4. Laura! I think you are so smart and you know what is best for you. Going on a brief hiatus doesn't sound like a bad idea. Maybe you should try it out and see if that helps. Whatever that is going to help you recover and regain your life back sounds good to me!

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  5. heya hun,
    im sorry your feeling this way. i can understand though why your worried if its helping you or not. i mean the support here is fantastic , theres no doubt about that. but what you were saying about not eating things now that u used to eat because others here dont seem to eat them like ice cream...that part sounds like a hinfer in recovery. ( by the way i love ice cream an dod eat it alot more in the summer..its jus too cold here right now lol). i think deep down you know whats best for you and your recovery ..these blog are great for support but not so good for comparing...each and every one of us is differnt andenjoys differnt foods and has differnt body needs in regards to food..nto to mention some of us are more recovered than others and will eat more adventourous things. i think if you look at it in that way instead of jus comparing it cud help?
    but you shud do what you feel is right..wether thats taking a break from here, not posting your foodies or whatever, i jus want you to be happy and positive about recovery :)
    whatevers gonna help you reach full recovery is what you shud choose.
    love ya lots girlie
    xxxx

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  6. ya know, laura, i dont think its just cause your tired. i think its true. i took a break for a few weeks from blogging, remember in december? i think we should have a convo about this, cause i can relate too many ways. you are ur own person, u deserve ice cream and chips. some of the bloggers are health food freaks, and u cannot let them affect ur habits. blogging should be fun and fun only, if u start to see urself restricting (like you are) that is seriously dangerous. trust ur gut.

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  7. Laura, I'm always here for support or advice whenever you need it but I've got to say if blogging is hurting your recovery then maybe you should take a break? You know I love your blog and I love having you as a blog-bud and because of this I want ONLY what is best for YOU!! Don't compare yourself to other bloggers, everyone is different and in a different situation.

    Feel free to take a break and focus on yourself. We'll still be here for you when you need us!

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  8. i love having you around..but hey i can always stalk you on facebook :) sooo uhh haha. no but for real i know exactly what you mean...but this isn't about US its about YOU. you are such a lovely lady and i want you to be happy!
    as for today--PUSH YOURSELF!! have those sunchips with lunch or dinner. do what you think you can't and be great. love you

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  9. hey girlie! You know yourself that it's just ED talking and staying stupid shit...so it would shut him up if you did have a whole sandwich plus chips, or ate ice cream! I understand how that is easier said than done, so whatever is good for you, DO IT! Good luck xo

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  10. i just friended you on facebook so if you do give up your blog we can still keep in touch! :)

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  11. Aw, sorry to hear you're having a rough time of it. I know EXACTLY what you mean about eating or not eating what it seems like everybody else is/isn't. I never considered buying a Luna bar before I started reading the blogs, but eventually part of my brain started telling me to check it out... since everybody else was doing it!

    Something that I realized just yesterday (even though I've 'known' it for a long time) is that I HAVE to let myself eat the things that I crave on a certain level but consider 'bad'. I HAVE to. Because if I don't, I build them up in my mind until they become The Worst Things Ever to eat, and in my case, I wind up b/p them, because there's no way I could ever eat them 'normally'.

    If you need to take a break, then of course you should. But I think we can challenge ourselves to eat 'outside the box'and maybe help others to do the same. Eating in a non-disordered way doesn't mean eating 100% 'healthy' all the time -- it means eating naturally, choosing what you crave and being able to enjoy it without an emotional attachment to it. Don't you think?

    I'm going to tackle at least two of my challenge foods this week! And I (and all of us) will always support you, no matter what is on your plate!!

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  12. I'm sorry you are feeling so deterred from recovery because of blogging. Personally, I know I am strong enough to combat Ed when he says things like, "Amy, no one else in recovery eats ice cream...why do you?" Well, its because I'm beyond worrying about ice cream for the most part. Sometimes Ed will say, "Amy, no one else has dessert. You always do! They think youre fat." I know this isn't true. I know its the opposite.

    Anyway, all Im saying is I hope you can either move on from Ed's lies about comparisons, OR take a break from blogging. Once again, Im sorry it isnt helpful for you! I love and support you very very much. Please stay strong & continue with recovery, lover <3

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  13. Laura Girl,
    I absolutely love reading your blog, but unfortunately, it sounds like you are doing WORSE now, after joining the blog world. Maybe you should take a few months off? I'm just worried about you and I think you really need to focus on YOU now. This is your life. What someone else eats DOES NOT HAVE ANYTHING TO DO WITH YOUR BODY... Ed is SUCH A FUCKING MORON. YOU KNOW THIS deep down and I think this blog is only becoming a dangerous addiction for you.

    I just hope you do what is best FOR YOU.

    Love you girl! I support your decision no matter what you decide to do...

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  14. Hey girl!!

    I can definitely relate to what you are saying about comparing your eats to everyone elses. Although I don't struggle with this in blogworld, in real life I definitely have difficulty eating ice cream of other treats when no one else around me is! It all just comes back to the fact that the ONLY person we need to be concerned with is OURSELVES! If you feel as though taking a break from blogging would be best for you then I support you 100% love! but i just want you to remember that if you ever ate ice cream or chips or anything we would all be here to CELEBRATE and PRAISE you for listening to your body and treating yourself, no one is here to judge girl! I am here for you no matter what you decide to do and always remember I am only a facebook message or email away and you BETTER keep in touch because I don't think I could live without my girl! PLUS I need to know whats going on with D and all of that excitingness!!

    Good luck in what you decide girl..remember, it's all about what is best for LAURA!!!

    love you darling <3!! stay positive!

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