I'm officially sick. And I can't deny it to myself anymore. I woke up around 7 this morning freezing and unable to breathe. Despite this, I still went to the gym. I weighed myself beforehand and the scale told me I was up 4 ounces, which, could be anything from waterweight to added muscle to actual fat. But it's 4 ounces, and ED told me it was 400 pounds.
Well...when times like this happen, I try to talk myself through it. So I began thinking that I need to remain strong, because I AM strong, and I just need to realize how insane all of this is. 4 ounces? I can get over it! That's 4 ounces of HEALTH right there, WHEREVER it is on me. Weight gain is going to be hard, really hard, but I can fight it, I can NOT give in. Food is AMAZING, food is NOT the enemy, and if I eat enough I am going to gain weight but that's okay. My body needs that weight in order to survive. And every time ED pops into my head I need to fight it! I need to be like "listen ED, FUCK OFF! I'm busy living here!" I need to learn to ignore scales and instead learn to look into the mirror and find things about myself that I like. And because I know ED is going to tell me there is NOTHING worth liking in that reflection, I need to realize that it's a LIE! He is wrong. He is altering the way I see myself. I am not fat or disgusting and I will never BE fat or disgusting. I will always be me. I need to take a closer look at how my body functions, and how it functions RIGHT, and how smooth and curvy I will become. I am not fat, I will never be fat. We are all beautiful here. Every single one of us. And we are about a million MORE things, but to sum it all up...
WE ARE BEAUTIFUL!
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