Well, right now I'm sitting in the Chemistry Cafe just waiting for 1:00 to roll around so I can head to the doctor. I'm a bit nervous, but not as nervous as I normally am. I am going to accept what she tells me, and if it calls for action then I am going to be sure to do it!!
Last night I had a snack that I've seen around the blogs for some time now, yet ED told me that I would never be "allowed" to have it. Well, you know what? Last night I was CRAVING it, so I opened my freezer- popped a chocolate vitamuffin in the microwave, and SMEARED White Chocolate Wonderful pb along the top.
I. Have. Never. Been. So. Happy.
It was incredible! ED really doesn't let me have very FLAVORFUL things, especially combination of things. Sometimes he tells me that something tastes good, even when it doesn't. So being able to combine flavors and enjoy it was truly an amazing feeling!!
Well, of course amazing feelings always come with their fair share of "guilt", at least...if ED has a say in it. Well, as I was washing my pile of dishes last night, I remembered something that Emily texted to me a couple of days ago- she told me that her new favorite line is "no guilt." You had an extra snack? No guilt. You had pasta instead of bread? NO GUILT! It's such a simple line, but it really helped me last night.
But I also began thinking, as I was scrubbing away, about the times that I DID take a little extra, or had an extra snack. And I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone, but I'm going to give it a try. Although on that specific day I stressed over the fact that I had, let's say, another bowl of cereal- looking back I can't remember those times that I had a little extra. I know when I actually ate it I felt bad, almost REGRET, but that feeling only lasted for that day. Chances are the next morning I woke up and forgot about it- and just focused on the day ahead of me (please note, I'm not talking about the days that you OVER ate, just the days when you ate a little more than usual.) HOWEVER, things I DO remember are the positives- my first slice of pizza after three years, that second cupcake I took, eating intuitively, having another bowl of cereal and feeling good about it. So my question is- why do I worry about regretting something when that feeling is only going to last a couple of hours? I know all of you are saying "well just don't regret it!" but sometimes ED just let's it linger. If the positives are what stays with me, then why not try to make more of them, and just LET myself take a little extra. The feelings won't last longer than that day.
This made SO much more sense when I thought about it! Ehhh, I'm sorry!
Have a good day though!
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