Friday, February 20, 2009

Speechless.

Girls, I'm in tears right now.
I woke up from a nap mentally and physically tired, but I had planned on going to the gym so I packed up my stuff and went downstairs to catch the bus. On the way out I decided to check my mailbox and found an orange slip indicating that I had a package waiting for me. Not wanting to miss the bus I figured I could just pick it up on Monday when the mail room opened again....but something told me that I needed to go back inside and find out who it was from.

The package was from my sister. I opened the box while standing at the bus stop, and read the first line of a letter as the bus was pulling up. I knew instantly that I wasn't going to the gym. I looked at the driver, apologized, and walked back inside.

Inside the box was a stuffed bear, and a
3 page note from my sister.



I really don't want to go into too much detail about what was in the note, but I just want to start off by saying that her and I don't really discuss my eating disorder. In fact, no one in my family does. So it's easy to live my life day by day not thinking that it truly affects anyone else but myself. However, her letter opened my eyes and broke my heart. She told me that she wants to go a day without thinking that she will never see me again, and she wants me to be the maid of honor at her wedding, and be the greatest aunt in the world, and spoil her child. She also wrote that she wants to be able to go outside in the colder weather with me and go sledding and ice skating- without me freezing to death after 5 minutes. I feel absolutely terrible, and dear I say it- guilty, for ruining plans every single time it's cold out because my body can't take it.

She said that she knows someone who's cousin recovered from an eating disorder, and that what helped her a lot was getting a tattoo of the word BELIEVE on her wrist, so that every time she looked at it she was reminded that she was in recovery. So, with this in mind, my sister sent me a Teddy Bear in hopes that whenever I look at it I will be reminded that she loves me, and wants me to recover and be happy and healthy- and one day not have to worry about everything I eat.

I don't even know what to say to her at this point. I'm overwhelmed with the most determination I've ever had. I'm overwhelmed because I didn't know that this bothered her so much. I'm overwhelmed because I feel like I've hurt my sister for over three years, and didn't even know it- how could I be so oblivious?

15 comments:

  1. wow - this story really gave me chills, Laura. It's obvious your sister truly cares about you, with good reason - you are an amazing girl. I'm so glad this gift gave you a little extra determination and motivation <3 keep moving forward girl, for your family - your sister - and yourself.

    love you xo

    ReplyDelete
  2. wow girl! that is so special! what an amazing thing your sister did! you are so lucky :) listen to her-- shes right xoxo

    ReplyDelete
  3. that is so great of your sister and shows how much she really cares about you. and she is right in every aspect and we all believe that you can recover too, so that all those things can happen. :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. Aw Laura, this made me tear up. I'm glad your sister's note gave you another motivation to continue on with your recovery! Keep up the wonderful job you're doing :) You deserve it!!

    ReplyDelete
  5. This is wonderful! We all keep a lot of stuff inside -- both you and your sister have, but now you can start tackling this together, both supporting each other with your concerns and hopes.

    ReplyDelete
  6. You can do it laura!
    My family is hush about my situation too but I can relate and knowing that my sister supports me with my recovery meant the world to me.
    Your sister's note shows that she cares a lot about you.

    ReplyDelete
  7. you can fight this laura.
    maybe you can use your sisters note as motivation.
    good luck with everything!

    ReplyDelete
  8. laura you're so lucky, my sister and i don't even speak with each other and when i was living with her and with my mom and they discuss my ed problems with me she just said: oh rigth, you have such a big problem..you just have to eat and that's it, don't be weak, don't be stupid. it's so easy, you're acting like a child.
    she even make fun about my ed's problems..you're so but so lucky :) don't give up, at least you're not alone.. i am :(

    kisses <3

    ReplyDelete
  9. hi hun,
    sorry to hear you were having such a hard day. but im really glad that piece of mail came at that perfect timing! im so glad you knew you had to go back and get the package and that its gotten you more determined than ever!

    the other day when i was having a hard day you left me an amzing comment ( thank you sooo much) and something you said really impacted me...about sometimes we have hard days but after that we can have fantastic amazing days. after all one bad day is just ONE day. once its over you can wake up to a fresh day with a fresh attitude! ed will not win against you, your determination and strengh kicks his ass any day hun!

    and im so glad your sister took the time to write a letter like that to you. she sounds like a truely wonderful person. i think at times its the ppl around us who are affected the most by our eds destroying us are the ones who dont say anything about it...me and my sister never talk about it but i KNOW she cares and worries as her friends have told me.

    keep fighting hun, never give up :) your a beautiful person who will get through this!!

    love you lots
    xxxx

    ReplyDelete
  10. wow...this post really really hit me...because I'm in the exact same situation as you with my brother! it really is a wake-up call to us to realize that we have so much to live for...that there ARE people around us who LOVES us so much and that our pains are their pains, and it probably hurts them just as much to see us hurt ourselves...
    You are truly blessed, laura, to have such precious people who love you beside you. I'm sure you will overcome this one day and be their pride and joy!

    ReplyDelete
  11. wow...just wow....keep that determination up babe! you deserve to be happy xxxxxxxx

    ReplyDelete
  12. sometimes, encouragement and love from people in our lives is EXACTLY what it takes to get us back on the road to recovery. i had a similar "speechless" moment with my dad a few years back, and that was really a turning point in my dedication to recovering. I BELIEVE IN YOU SO MUCH LAURALOVE! keep fighting... we're all here for you!

    ReplyDelete
  13. I just found your blog. What your sister did for you is so sweet. She obviously cares about you a lot. I hope you have a good day.

    ReplyDelete
  14. That is so touching. Your sister truly cares about you and sometimes it can be your family who really gives you just the kick in the pants you need (for any occasion, not just ED!). Girl, this is a sign from the good Lord above, reminding you that there are so many people out there if you need them, supporting you, loving you and lifting you up.....now all you need to do is take action and recover (which OF COURSE i know you are working towards!) However, never forget that mob of supporters you have when you are having an off day!

    ReplyDelete
  15. Hey I just came across your blog and we have a lot in common; both college freshmen in recovery from ED. This post hit home for me because I remember a conversation I had with my little sister which she was telling me how concerned she was and how much I hurt her, too. It's amazing and sad how we block out the people who care and love us the most in the overpowering voice of ED.

    ReplyDelete