Girls, I'm in tears right now.
I woke up from a nap mentally and physically tired, but I had planned on going to the gym so I packed up my stuff and went downstairs to catch the bus. On the way out I decided to check my mailbox and found an orange slip indicating that I had a package waiting for me. Not wanting to miss the bus I figured I could just pick it up on Monday when the mail room opened again....but something told me that I needed to go back inside and find out who it was from.
The package was from my sister. I opened the box while standing at the bus stop, and read the first line of a letter as the bus was pulling up. I knew instantly that I wasn't going to the gym. I looked at the driver, apologized, and walked back inside.
Inside the box was a stuffed bear, and a
3 page note from my sister.
I really don't want to go into too much detail about what was in the note, but I just want to start off by saying that her and I don't really discuss my eating disorder. In fact, no one in my family does. So it's easy to live my life day by day not thinking that it truly affects anyone else but myself. However, her letter opened my eyes and broke my heart. She told me that she wants to go a day without thinking that she will never see me again, and she wants me to be the maid of honor at her wedding, and be the greatest aunt in the world, and spoil her child. She also wrote that she wants to be able to go outside in the colder weather with me and go sledding and ice skating- without me freezing to death after 5 minutes. I feel absolutely terrible, and dear I say it- guilty, for ruining plans every single time it's cold out because my body can't take it.
She said that she knows someone who's cousin recovered from an eating disorder, and that what helped her a lot was getting a tattoo of the word BELIEVE on her wrist, so that every time she looked at it she was reminded that she was in recovery. So, with this in mind, my sister sent me a Teddy Bear in hopes that whenever I look at it I will be reminded that she loves me, and wants me to recover and be happy and healthy- and one day not have to worry about everything I eat.
I don't even know what to say to her at this point. I'm overwhelmed with the most determination I've ever had. I'm overwhelmed because I didn't know that this bothered her so much. I'm overwhelmed because I feel like I've hurt my sister for over three years, and didn't even know it- how could I be so oblivious?