Sunday, March 22, 2009

A burial...

...of ED's best friends!
I've spent the last few days debating whether or not to "waste" these products. But then I realized that it is better to trash them than to continue feeding into ED. So yesterday I said goodbye to the "Light" products and hello to a diet filled completely with whole, REAL foods!




After our "funeral" in which NO tears were shed, I sat myself down to do some Chemistry! See my little set-up?-

And of COURSE there is a snack to get it all started! Brain food!!


I really really love these bars, and I'm not sure why! I smash them prior to eating so they are flatter and take longer to ingest. Yum =]

_____

Okay, so this morning I was reading our lovely Brooke's blog, and she mentioned how, as she becomes less and less restrictive with eating, she becomes more restrictive in other areas of her life such as shopping. After reading this I immediately made a connection to my life that I have been trying to figure out for over a year. My old therapist and I used to talk about my money spending habits..or rather, lack-there-of. Ever since my eating disorder began I have been extremely concerned with how much money I spend- whether it be shopping, gas money, or just buying a cup of coffee. I always explained it as being SCARED to spend, but Brooke's post made me realize that the feeling I get when I spend a lot of money is the same feeling I get when I eat over my "regular daily intake". What does this all mean? I'm not quite sure yet. I have realized that when I am more restrictive with my eating, I am much less restrictive with my money-spending...which can be extremely difficult to work with, however, it can be a more obvious sign to myself that I am being restrictive with my food.

So it seems that I am always going to need SOMETHING in my life to control...in the restrictive way. At least until I am able to sort everything out. But I'm interested to see if I can find something else to restrict, something that is less harmful, and actually useful. That way I can focus my "restricting energy" on that, and allow the freedom to flow when it comes to food.

I hope this doesn't sound TOO crazy.

<3 Enjoy this BEAUTIFUL Sunday everyone!

19 comments:

  1. You're totally spot-on, I read a scientific study in one of my classes last year about inverse relationships between areas of self-control. The researchers studied women who were on diets and assessed their shopping patterns... they determined that the diets made them a lot less inhibited when it came to spending money.

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  2. CONGRATS on getting rid of those diet foods Laur! That's awesome, girl.

    I definitely struggle with being extremely restrictive with the amount of money I spend. I get so anal about where my money goes and always keeping track of it. It's awful, time consuming, and just another unnecessary stresser. The funny thing is - i'm so thrifty with my money..and never spend it...yet i'm not saving it for anything. It's literally just sitting on my debit card.. so if i'm never going to spend it, whats the point in having it in the first place - you know?! oh ED - he makes life so illogical.

    Have a great day Laur and good luck with the chem studying! <3 xoxo

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  3. Totally relate to the spending money thing. Ever since I've been in treatment I've had zero desire to go shopping or anything--partly because I'm uninterested, partly because nothing seems worth the time or cash.

    And good for you for throwing out the diet foods--the real thing is ALWAYS better.

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  4. good for you for throwing that crappy diet bread away. you don't need it because lets be honest, it taste like air!

    im so proud of you :D

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  5. hi girlie

    firstly way to go on throwing out the diet producs :) its a great step, and totally proves that your ready and wanting to give your body proper nourishment!! im so proud of this move!

    i always do things to maxmimise eating time...it makes bars etc more enjoyable :)

    i can totally realte to the spending thing. i too start restricting on spending money when im more open with eating and less rigid. i think youve made a great realization though...its definetly to do with control at times. but for me its also cause i hate wasting money on material things that i know dont make me happy anymore, ive realised its experiences and people that do that.

    have a great sunday hun,
    love you lots
    xxxx

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  6. Good riddance to those products - embrace whole foods!! Ah Chemistry, love/hate relationship ;)

    Have a great Sunday, princess peach!!

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  7. yes!!!

    laura love, these are the same feelings i experience. i try to save and literally ''restrict'' with everything when i am doing well with my meal plan. i too have talked this over with my therapists and we aren't quite sure what to think of it but they both suggested that i try to have more time for myself. i think it is ultimately how we value ourselves. ed thinks we do not deserve happiness or food or treats or materialistic items. but when i am being restrictive it is so easy to go out and buy clothes, shoes, or extravagant food, fruit, etc.

    its something i struggle with everyday. but im always here for you. and thank you for being so honest!

    this is not crazy. and if you are, that makes two of us :)

    <3 you!

    xo b

    p.s hooray for pure, natural, non-diet foods! your body will thank you.

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  8. yay for tossing away the diet food! i used to eat that exact dressing ALL the time with DE.
    interesting post on how you noticed your spending got less. i think DE made me spend more frivolously haha. have a great day

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  9. Hey Laura!

    Great job ditching the 'light' foods. I know how tough that can be, but it is just one more step toward freedom and happiness :-) I'm so proud of you.


    <3 Erika at Peaceandpeanutbutter.wordpress.com

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  10. AWESOME that you buried E.D.'s besties! They suck, seriously. I remember when E.D. made me eat that and now I taste actually wheat bread and pb and they are SO much more enjoyable. I am SOO proud of you for tossing these foods. They really aren't worth keeping around!!!

    I think about money and my eating disorder as well, you're not crazy for thinking about these things. I think its really cool how much youre figuring out thru your recovery. keep it up girl.

    Much Lovee

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  11. first of all - congrats on killing the light food - may it rest in peace forever!

    i can definately relate to the money-food reference. i became so much more concerned with how much money i was spending and really budgeted myself alot - just like i did with food and calories.

    glad to see that you're figuring things out with all of this :)

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  12. Great job with saying goodbye to the diet food. What a step!!!!
    Keep up the great work.

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  13. I love your little funeral!
    I was definitely the same way with money in the worst of my restricting. I would just snap up everything that I even remotely wanted, and now I go shopping and don't really get anything. It's so strange how these things are related.

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  14. Woo hoo for ditching the diet products! I'm fighting the urge (ED's urge!) to order PB2 right now when I KNOW I should enjoy REAL PB instead! You've inspired me :) Don't worry, you don't sound crazy at all! I can absolutely relate, at the worst of my ED my inhibitions about other things (shopping, etc.) were so out of whack. It all takes some readjustment, having an ED really affects so many areas of your life you didn't even realize were anxiety/control related!

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  15. Goodbye, 'diet' foods!

    You know, I've heard stories on the radio about studies that show that we have a finite amount of willpower -- eating and spending often suffer at the expense of one another, at least in our society.

    I feel like I'm living proof of it! I was doing SO well with eating intuitively last summer, but I was also on a mission to spend less and less money. By August, I was being VERY 'restrictive' in my spending -- do you think it's a coincidence that that's exactly when I started binging on food? Nope. Moderation in ALL things is the key!

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  16. first of all, a BIG victory hug your way for getting rid of those diet foods! bye bye, stupid ED! I'm so proud of you, you are so incredibly brave and strong. nope, no tears shed for ED!
    and second, I understand what you mean by having to be restrictive in something. but I hope you find something GOOD to be restrictive about...you know, turn it into a positive thing instead!
    good luck, girl, and HIP HIP HOORAY for another slap on ED's face!

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  17. I love your blog! I just started reading it :)

    Great job on getting rid of your "diet foods" WOOHOO!!!

    I'm still a little restrictive with my eats; however, I am becoming less restrictive each and every day!! Everything takes time, but we all have the strength<3

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  18. Congratulations on your progress. Getting rid of those diet food is one more step closer to your recovery. So proud of you.

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  19. stay strong, laura i am totally behind U on taking a break from the blog world. ed loves to compare. in IP treatment we learned "compare & despair". just remember that when ed starts to get down.

    <3

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