Monday, March 2, 2009

A picture speaks a thousand words.

I just want to start this post by saying that it is a possible trigger, so if you are not completely comfortable reading it, please do not feel obligated.



I know that I said I was going post more pictures of the formal, but once I saw them I wasn't really feeling it. Not only do I look terrible in them (it's not just my low self-esteem talking...I really do!) but I realized that these pictures really highlight a few body parts that remind me that I still have a lot of weight to gain. In fact, this picture in particular scared me a bit-

Now, I'm not sure if this is as bad as I'm making it seem...but I saw this picture and my jaw DROPPED. I was wondering where the hell my arm went?! I became angry at myself for seeing this picture and knowing that I was thinking about eating those stuffed shells all night. WHY was I so concerned about eating a "higher calorie" food when I NEED it?!

I know that I shouldn't be getting upset at myself, especially since I am working towards recovery, but I guess I got more upset at the fact that these pictures could have come out so much better had my arm not looked like this.

I'm sorry for posting this, but it's been bothering me a lot and I just needed to get it out in the open.

Oh...and for all you non-facebook gals who don't already know, I may or may not be in a relationship with this boy:


=)


That's all for this post. I have a snow day but also a LOT of work to do! I love you girls so much...for everything.

<3

16 comments:

  1. ah congrats girl - he's so cute!

    and i totally can relate to your emotions from those pictures.. I cant tell you how many of my senior prom pictures i threw away because i looked sickly and so unhealthy. it's so sad - but its good to have pictures to get a little reality check!

    have a great day, Laura - can you please fill me in on some details with this boy! i had no ideaaaa <3

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  2. I can also relate to emotions stirring because of photos...I had a breakdown when I saw my senior portraits in high school. I knew I was unhealthy but I didn't know how deathly and skeletal I had become. Glad you're realizing this! :)

    And he is cuttttte...but don't tell my boyfriend I said that! hehe

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  3. you cant just focus on the pic tho. look at how far you've come from where you were. and a boy in the picture means you are light years from where you were bc you are opening up! trust me, the weight will come on..it happens when your living life, being happy, and moving on from your past life...thats when you begin trying new foods and actually allowing foods you never would have eaten before...thats when you know full recovery is almost reached. mental recovery is key though :) have a great day and ur dress is gorgeous! and so is the boy! tell us more about him please!

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  4. he is a cutie. sometimes looking at pictures like that- as hard as it may be- serves as a good reality check for where your at.

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  5. That is so cute girl :D I'm happy for ya- I agree with everyone...just the fact that you are ABLE and willing to be in a relationship shows HUGE progress right!??! That is really big, usually ED does NOT allow room for any other men hello!!! I hope you only let that picture speak to you as motivation to keep working super hard and loving yourself.

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  6. yay for the new boy! :)
    i'm glad that you had a shocking reaction to that picture-- i've had many of those myself and they have helped me in my journey to keep adding. :) xoxox

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  7. oooo hes so cute :) u bagged a good one!!

    sometimes pictures can really shock us into seeing how much ed really distorts pur perceptions which can be hard to see, but important and definetly an eye opener.

    have a great monday
    love you lots
    xxxxx

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  8. It is great to hear that you are using the picture as a motivation!
    Keep moving forward!
    And fabulous news about a new boy.

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  9. laura love, i hope you had wonderful time at the formal! i know the shocking feelings of looking at yourself in a picture - but that is so great that you realized that you really do need to get better! one of the many things i have learned in recovery is we finally figure out that thin is not always beautiful. so use this as motivation in fighting for your health, life and body back!

    <333 you so much! have a great monday!

    p.s i cant wait to hear more on ''the boy!'' keep us updated :)

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  10. Im so happy you can look at that picture and reconize the reality of it hun! THAT shows a lot of where you are at!! HUGS!!!!!!!! You are doing awesome, keep pushing darlin!!
    Ooooooooa that is one fine looking man :)

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  11. Great for you for knowing what stage you're at. ISn't that half the battle? You're incredible for being such a trooper!! I hope this lovely boy of yours will be good influence on ya and fingers crossed, is he maybe a great cook? :) hahah just kidding!!

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  12. It can be really difficult to grapple with the difference between the image WE see of ourselves when we look in the mirror and the one that a camera captures. I had a similar experience when looking back through photos of me at a wedding this fall - and I wasn't even as low then as I am now. I guess pictures help us see reality even when our ED is doing his best to keep us from it. It's a powerful motivator to keep pushing toward recovery.

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  13. oh la la laura - cute boyfriend ;)

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  14. I've had a couple of those picture moments as well. You look at yourself and can see only the sickness, and it makes you wonder if it's that obvious to everybody else. But seeing a photo like that and wanting to change into a HEALTHIER you is such great progress!

    Your boy is a cutie. Aren't the early days of relationships SO exciting?

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