Wow, I can't believe that it's already my second week of being here, and yet I've only posted one or two times! I'm sorry about that, things are just really hectic here as you can imagine. But I'm going to try my best to keep you all as updated as possible.
This past week has been pretty touch and go. The weekend was pretty hard- there was a lot of drama around the center, with girls using behaviors, girls refusing to admit that they have a problem, and just simply RC's and patients not getting along. I guess this can all be expected, but it was really tough on the girls who weren't involved. This is supposed to be a place of comfort and support, yet when there is screaming and crying and "I want to die"s being thrown around- sometimes memories arise and feelings get hurt. But we all made it through, which is what truly counts.
As for me personally. Well, I had been doing really well until last night. I had a family meeting yesterday and we talked about increasing my meal plan which I was okay with. However, it is increasing much faster than I expected. We run on 8 meal plans here, and usually they are increased every 3-4 days on average. So I started on meal plan one, and then 3 days later went up to 2, and then yesterday I began 3. Well, today I am going to be starting meal plan 4, and by friday I will be on meal plan 5. MP 6 will begin next week, which is a lot for me to handle. I mean, I do think that I'm ready, but my body is just trying to get used to it. On top of it all dinner last night was ENORMOUS, and afterwards I just laid in my bed and cried. That's the first time that has happened since I got here, and although I felt absolutely terrible about myself, and about having to have people comfort me and talk to me- it also felt good to just express how I was truly, and genuinely feeling. No more masks.
This morning I woke up in a somewhat better mood. I'm not hungry at ALL for breakfast, which is in 15 minutes, but I just need to suck it up and move forward! I haven't gained much at all since being here, which is actually bumming me out since my therapist said that is all they are waiting on. Once my weight is up to par then I am stepping down to partial. Until then, I just need to be patient. It's funny how part of me just wants to snap my fingers and weigh a healthy weight, and the other part is happy that it's taking awhile. I guess for now, living in the moment is the best thing I can do.
On a happier note, I was able to pursuade my therapist to let me have a home pass on Saturday, which is AMAZING! I can't wait to just go home for the day. I'm such a baby when it comes to not being home, so this will be really good. Also, Saturday night is Burrito and Smoothie night, and let's just say that last Saturday that caused a HUUUGGEEE ruccus around here, so being MIA for that this week is giving me a sense of relief.
Other than that I'm doing pretty well. Just trying to live in the moment, and keep occupied which I have been doing a pretty good job doing. I'm making bracelets, mixed CD's, positive affirmations, doing puzzles, reading, and just hanging out with the girls here (who are all absolutely incredible and inspirational, let me tell ya!).
Well, 12 minutes and counting until breakfast. I'm off to try and get excited about it =P
Love you gals!!!
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