Wednesday, July 29, 2009

I got a feelingggg

Have you girls heard that song by the Black Eyed Peas?? If so NOW!

This is sort of the song that has been keeping me going over the past few days. It's just so upbeat and makes me want to go outside and DANCE and be FREE!
I forgot how much music affects me.. was yet another doctor day. However, unlike the last appointment which brought me to tears and felt like the doctor had handed me a package of hopelessness, this appointment gave me hope. My weight went up a little bit, and although initially I was a bit freaked out by the concept of gaining weight on my own, I was able to rationalize. I was driving home and ED began bashing me on how I have been overeating, and I need to start cutting back and reverting back to my old ways, and skipping snacks etc etc. Yet, in the middle of his little lecture, I held up a STOP sign. I basically was like "woahhhh ED! Shut up!!!". I began thinking about the past week, and thinking about how I have been so much more social, and so much more involved with things in my life. I've been going out and talking and being creative. My thoughts haven't been 100% focused on food, and it scares me sometimes...but at the same time, it excites me. I began thinking about all of my goals and everything I want to accomplish in life. I began thinking about volunteer work that I want to do this year at school, and studying abroad and travelling and making a difference in other people's lives, instead of just focusing on mine. And all of these goals and aspirations completely outweighed the importance of a couple extra pounds. They aren't even EXTRA pounds, they are HEALTHY and NEEDED pounds.

So here I sit. Ready for the future. Excited by the fact that school is no longer out of the picture. And possibly even more excited that I don't need to see the doctor for two weeks, as opposed to the usual weekly appointments =P


  1. I'm so happy for you girl :) being positive and finding more proactive things to focus your mind on makes the world of a difference!

  2. Laura - this post is amazing. I'm so proud of you for telling ED to shut the hell up. I'm so happy that you've been embracing life. You will beat this.
    Love you,

  3. yay! isn't it an exciting (and scary) feeling when you start to realize that there is more to life than planning your next meal? it's insanely refreshing and a bit scary to let go of the old obsessive notions, but keep dancing!!! and LIVING! :-)

  4. I think I just jumped up from where I was seated!
    You are so strong girl, I'm so proud, AH! I can't express how happy I am!

  5. Keep Strong in Recovery:) Keep it up, I know its hard, we can do it!!

  6. Well done for getting the ED to shut up! Something I've found really helpful is jumping on all thoughts like that and labelling them as symptoms of anorexia - once I've done that I can see them as separate from me, not something I personally believe. Holding up a mental stop sign is a great idea too! I hope you have a good weekend <3

  7. It was SO nice to see you!!!!!!! Just remember victorias words of wisdom: watching the food network doesn't count as eating.