Not literally. But all of your comments allowed me to realize that this isn't going to last forever. It's just a part of recovery- getting back into "real" life. Something incredible happened on Saturday though. I was having a rough day (as most of you already know), but I had planned on going to my friends party that night and I was sick and tired of always canceling on my friends because I would "rather" sit at home and do nothing. Getting out of my comfort zone is difficult for me, but I am SO glad I did that night.
It was a very simple party. There was alcohol, which is something that I usually avoid because of the empty calories. But I decided on Saturday that I was tired of not including myself in things simply because of my ED. So I drank. Not too much, but not too little either =P I wouldn't say I got drunk, but I was close. I played pong and snacked on pretzels and blow-pops, and LAUGHED. Like an ACTUAL teenager, I was having fun and felt like myself. And it wasn't JUST the alcohol talking, because I knew I had to drive home so I stopped drinking early, and even as the buzz was wearing off I was still being a social little butterfly. It was wonderful.
Bee Tee Dubs: I am pretty good at pong if I do say so myself =P
The next day (yesterday) I woke up in the most AMAZING mood. I made a goal for myself- to focus on the day and the things I wanted and love to do instead of the food. It was a challenge for sure, but I did it. I even managed to get some more of my wall collage finished.
(if you look in the bottom left corner there's a picture that says "I am not a number." It may or may not be a cell phone add. But same effect right?
As for today...I have hope. I am trying to push myself out of my comfort zone and keep myself occupied with other things, including sun-bathing, music listening, and simply living (I saved a turtle and 6 frogs!)
Two thumbs up!!!