I know that you're having a hard time staying positive right now, especially with the tension and stress that seems to surround you. But you're strong and you'll make it through. Just remember that you are your own person, and you don't need to wait for everyone around you to change as well- because you ARE changing, and that's okay. It may be new and uncomfortable right now, but just keep in mind that new things become old things, and new behaviors become old habits. You can already tell that you are slowly becoming more and more comfortable with food, which is HUGE! Don't get scared of that-- get excited!! Embrace these new feelings and emotions, because they are meant to be enjoyed. With every bite you take, that's one more bite closer to happiness and freedom. It may be hard to imagine right now, but trust me (your positive and clear-thinking voice) that it WILL pay off. You are more than a number on a scale of the shape of your body- you are a combination of so many ideas, and a countless number of unique traits. You are capable of so many things, and with every person you meet, you are changing their life in some way. You may never save the world- but you can save somebodies world...only if you stop hating yourself and your body and start putting that attention and effort into things that you love. Take advantage of the time you have here, and use it wisely. Focus on your dreams, your aspirations- not what you're having for lunch that day. Comfort others but also comfort yourself- you deserve it. Tell someone you love them, but only after you tell yourself the same thing. Write letters, draw, be creative, prove to yourself and to others that your body can be used for fun and imaginative things- not just self starvation. You are SO much more than your eating disorder, and although 3 years have passed where your life seemed to be stuck, there is so much more in your future. Use your potential to make the most out of the rest of your life. The future starts now. Life wasn't meant to be easy, but it also wasn't meant to be this hard. Realize this, understand this, and learn how to balance things in your life. You are never going to make everyone happy- and that's okay. Just try your very hardest to do what you feel is right, or necessary, take action- then move on. Life isn't stopping or standing still, so why should you spend your time stuck on one thought? Your mind is capable of so much more than calorie-counting or worrying about such unsubstantial things. Instead, push those thoughts aside and think a new thought- a unique thought. Listen to music that makes you feel good, watch movies that make you laugh. Go to the river, close your eyes, take a deep breath, and tell yourself-
"I AM FREE!!!!"