Music that matches my mood (MMM)
I've been finding it easier and easier to match a certain song with how I feel...which has been really helping me express how I feel lately.
I also find myself extremely confused as to HOW I have been feeling lately. Torn between the two extremes actually. Let me explain.
Recently I've been able to escape the monotonous world of food and body-thoughts by "putting myself out there". If a friend calls to ask if I want to hang out, and a part of me says "no...that's not what we had planned" I simply ignore that and go. And each time I do that it gets easier and easier, and now it's reached a point where I'm actually LOOKING for people to hang out with, and for things to do. As I began doing things, I began being able to think about other things while I'm at home. I realized that just sitting around at home and not getting out was not going to magically allow me to think about other things. I need to live my life, get out of my house, try new things, and with that I'll begin thinking differently. That is exactly what happened.
An example of this would have to be yesterday. I planned to get together with two girls from CEDC-
Normally a day or two before I plan on going on a "trip" (she lives ~2 hours away from me) I look for reasons to back out or to cancel...but no such thought crossed my mind. I was actually anxious and excited to go and hang out with them, and the day did not disappoint. It was just so chill. We drank coffee (is 6 cups too much for one day??), went shopping around a little festival her town was having, and just simply enjoyed seeing each other again. They are such terrific and inspirational people, and they are doing SO well. Part of me feels like I'm a little far behind...but hell, everyone goes at their own pace right?
Well..the day was going wonderfully until I decided to get together with another friend of mine, who is a guy. Actually...he's a friend of a guy I met while in Boston. I don't want to go into too much detail, but I put myself in an uncomfortable situation, and it left me feeling insecure and unsure of my social abilities- at least regarding male relationships. I just feel like I'm not comfortable enough with myself, and poor past experiences have led me to be extremely unconfident, awkward, and apprehensive. I'm not really sure what to do.
I did have a really good conversation with my friend from work about it though. I gave him the readers digest version and he simply laughed and said "things like this happen all the time. You're just experiencing a normal part of life." I didn't mention my personal issues, just the situation as a whole. But it was such a relief to hear that, and almost excited me to know that this is something that NORMAL people deal with.
So I was wondering if anyone out there had any advice on how to feel more comfortable in my own skin around the other sex. I feel a little lost and almost ashamed.
OTHERWISE...I'm loving this new life I'm leading. It's quite refreshing!
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