Rilo Kiley basically sings about my life.
This is going to be a pretty loaded post...most for my sake, so don't feel obligated to read it...and better yet, don't expect any of it to make sense!
First and foremost, a slight peak into what's been going into my belly lately:
Thumbs down. The flavor was right on, but the seeds were gritty and reminded me of sand. I like sand...just not in my mouth.
I'm undecided about these. I had the caramel one but I didn't taste any caramel. I like caramel.
I've been eating very Mediterranean lately, and I must say...I don't hate it! Lots of nuts, yogurt, olives, hummus, pita, olive oil, whole grains, soy milk, and the occasional cheese. And coffee...which is basically a food group of it's own...
Speaking of which, I made peace with the latte this past week. Thanks for Carly, I overcame my fear of Pumpkin Spice Latte's at starbucks, and I am SO glad that I did!! I felt like I overcame such a huge obstacle...and it was simply a seasonal coffee beverage. Perhaps this is a sign of things to come? The daily newspaper seemed to think so the following day:
The latte gods are trying to communicate with me via school newspaper.
OH and look, my wall is growing:
Half the fun of taking these pictures is the weird faces I get from my roommate. I'm lucky she loves me.
Let's begin on Friday night. See this boy?
Apparently I proposed to him. Then divorced him because he wouldn't accept my ring made of thread. His loss.
Friday involved alcohol. Too much for me to handle. I spend most of the night laying on the floor in the lap of this guy:
He took care of me, and I swore to never get like that again.
Saturday, after waking up and settling my stomach with some pumpkin spice coffee, I started to talking to him and he brought up the topic of favorite foods. For some reason, perhaps the lack of sleep, this struck the wrong chord with me and I broke down. Full blown tears, feeling hopeless and depressed- it was totally not me! But that's what happens when I am overtired- I get depressed. I told him how I feel like I'm wasting my life right now, focusing on such unimportant things and being unable to enjoy the things I used to love. I told him my favorite foods are the foods I don't allow myself to eat (besides PB of course!!). It really bothered me, and I spent a good hour or so in tears- a complete wreck. Carly came to my rescue, but I decided that it would be best for me to head home....and that's exactly what I did.
That boy came up to my home though. We got coffee and went to see the movie Surrogates. It's absolutely amazing how easily I can talk to him, and be honest with him. Amazing and scary at the same time, because I NEVER open myself up this quickly to guys...bad past experiences have left me with trust issues that I just can't seem to shake.
Then last night I stayed up until 3 in the morning talking to him about what we want out of life. It was deep, philosophical, and I haven't felt that way since before my Eating Disorder arose. I felt genuinely happy, and unconquerable. I know he likes me, and obviously I feel the same.
So what's the problem?
He's my suitemates ex boyfriend of 4 years.
I believe if there were ever a good "FML" moment, this would be it.
I don't know what to do...
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