Saturday, February 28, 2009

Formal Me Up!

First of all, my refrigerator likes to get cold and warm spontaneously, so it ended up freezing my blueberry Chobs unexpectedly! But only halfway, so you can see all the layers of blueberry goodness! It was so good!!

Secondly, as most of you know the Engineering Formal was last night, and I was absolutely terrified about it. But you know what? Everything worked out. Turns out he can't dance very well to "American music". He's from Puerto Rico, and their dances are a bit different than how we dance here! So we enjoyed each others company, enjoyed dinner (stuffed shells with ALFREDO sauce!!! It's been years for both of those...) and then ended up leaving early where we proceeded to sit in the lounge downstairs for a good two hours just talking. It was such a nice feeling. A comfortable feeling, which isn't something I get very often, especially in the company of someone else.

Before I left I did manage to get a picture of my dress for you all. Please note that my hair ended up being down, and I wore jewelry/makeup, so I didn't go looking exactly like this! But I feel like this dress makes me look like I'm getting ready to go Tango!! Ooh LALA!

Look at my beastly camera! I need to invest in a good quality PORTABLE camera!!!

Once B loads pictures of the formal itself I'll probably steal one to show you girls, because I know you're all dying to know who this boy is =P

As for's basically wonderful. It's beautiful (and chilly) outside, which basically means I'm in a BEAUTIFUL mood!! Actually, I feel like this right now:

I was in the "little girls room" last night and I overheard a girl talking on the phone. Now, I'm not sure who she was talking to exactly, but she was asking them if they rememebered to get their cholesterol test done, and if they remembered to take their medicine. And I was just thinking to myself about how everyone has their own problems, and we just seem to get so wrapped up in our own. Here this girl was so concerned about this other person, making sure they are taking care of themselves. I'm not sure why it affected me so much...I guess it just made me realize that although we may think that our problems are the most difficult...they aren't. We have control over our future, when a lot of people with other diseases don't. I'm not really sure if what that girl was talking about over the phone has anything to do with that, but I somehow managed to make that connection. =]

Have a wonderful day everyone!!! Smile as MUCH as you can!!


Want some free Barney Butter?!?! Visit Lucky Taste Buds!
How about some Bars? x2!

Friday, February 27, 2009

A wonderful start to the day.

Happy Friday everyone!!

My morning started out not too well. I woke up feeling under the weather, but once I got a good breakfast into me, things started to turn around. Maybe they were related?
I went to the dining hall for breakfast this morning, and decided that I felt like oatmeal. Now, normally I don't get dining hall oatmeal and put peanut butter on it because:
1. the oatmeal isn't I have no idea how much I have and
2. The pb only comes in 1.5 TBS packets. Which scares ED because that's more than I put on my normal oatmeal.

But I did it.
And now I have this satisfied feeling which I haven't had for MONTHS! (actually, I think I wrote about the last time I felt like this...and it was so long ago you probably don't remember!)

On another note..I'm a bit worried about the formal tonight. There's going to be dancing, and let me tell you girls something- I. Do. Not. Dance. I am just so uncomfortable dancing in front of people, and usually spend the time sitting at the table. But knowing how my date is, he's going to want to dance...and I'm terrified...

Just a few pictures before I begin my day! (agenda: weekly Big Y trip, gym, getting ready, formallll)

This is basically the extent that my school goes to in order to address NEDAW. But, it's something, so I really can't complain. And I got a free mini Luna out of it =]

New Bar Alert!!!
The verdict: although tasty and filling, this baby gave me the WORST stomach ache. So it's not going to be going on my shopping list.

Have a great Friday everyone!! And wear your PURPLE proud!!

Thursday, February 26, 2009

This just in...

Laura just had Barney Butter for breakfast....and LIKED IT!!
I've tried and tried to like an form of Almond butter, and with the exception of Naturally Nutty's Vanilla Almond butter, it's been a lost cause. However this morning I was in a hurry and needed something quick, so I grabbed my last individual packet of BB and threw it on a Sandwich thin and it HIT the spot!!! I was so proud of my tongue for liking it this time =]

As for this little fella- (which I tried to crop as much as possible since we know ED judges!)

I want to thank EVERYONE for your kind comments. I wasn't sure how everyone would react to it, but I'm glad there were no negative thoughts thrown around =]
Just to answer a few of your questions:
1. Yes, this is my first tattoo, and I completely understand why people say they are addicting now! However, I don't plan on getting any more.
2. It really didn't hurt! My roommate was in the room with me and she looked like a wreck! I was actually texting my friend while it was being done (something she can't understand HOW I did!)

I'm not sure if it's possible for a tattoo to give you confidence, but I can honestly say that ever since I got this I have been overflowing with it!! I'm not sure WHERE it came from...but I feel so free in regards to ED! I haven't been so focused on my body, or what I'm eating, but instead just listening to it. I think a little bit of that believing soaked through my skin!!! I'm not complaining!!

I will update more either later or tomorrow. Actually, remember that boy "B"? Well...I'm going to an Engineering formal with him tomorrow. So this little lady needs to get dressed up!

Have a terrific thursday!! <3

p.s. Want to win a free box of Jocalat bars?! Katie from Chocolate-Covered Katie is giving away a free box so be sure to check it out here!!!

Wednesday, February 25, 2009

Wednesday surprise

Today has been such a hectic day! I'm actually sitting in the library right now trying to get my work done (after I catch up on blogs of course!) So don't think that just because I haven't been posting, that I haven't been staying updated on all of your girls lives!! =]

Well, in the note that my sister wrote to me she mentioned that a friend of her's had a cousin who recovered from an Eating Disorder, and in order to help her she got the word "Believe" tattooed on her write so whenever she saw it, she would be inspired. Well...

It's not my wrist, only because the man convinced me that if I wanted to work as a professional, it would be too big of a word to cover up. So I went for the hip. I took a picture and sent it to my sister and she was SO proud of me. She said her mouth dropped and it was the GREATEST surprise. But it wasn't just for her. It was for me and her, my recovery, our relationship, everything.

I wish I had more time, but there's studying to be done. I love you girls. <3

Monday, February 23, 2009

Fast like a RACEHORSE! EDITED!!***

That's how quick this post is going to be!
I had my doctors appointment, and wouldn't you know your girl here is PACKING ON THE POUNDS!!! (Well...not exactly, but oddly enough I feel okay with that!)
I could start to hear ED poking his nose into my business, so I sent my friend saying "Weight gain! Holla!" (she is also an ED sufferer) and it honestly made me feel so much better!
I also sent my sister an update, because I KNOW she has a lot to do with this!

Annndddd you girls are in for a BIG surprise on Wednesday night...DUN DUN DUN!!

<3<3 Peace!

This quote:

The worst part is over,
Now, get back on that horse and ride.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Sunday: Day of Rest.

I honestly can not thank you girls enough for all of those wonderful responses about my sisters letter. I have been doing WONDERFULLY these past few days- with ED, with myself, with everything. I can't believe how much of an impact that letter has had on me, and I am feeling very good about my doctors appointment tomorrow.

However, for some reason I have found that when I ate foods that I normally wouldn't have, it was more comfortable for me to simply be happy about it, and move on. No pictures, no posts, just me eating those foods. That, on top of not having my camera cable, means no pictures of what I ate over the past few days. I am also extremely busy with all of my classes, so these posts are going to be pretty spontaneous, but I hope you girls will understand!!

I do have a few pictures that I uploaded a few days ago. The first one is just for kicks, and the second one....well....I'm not sure why I took it. But I need some pictures for you lovely gals!!

How weird is this apple?!

I feel like such an old woman with all of these 'medicines' and supplements.
Lactaid Tablets, Calcium pills, Zoloft, and yes....I chew my vitamins.

Oh, and I just found this picture that I took about 2 1/2 years ago. I thought I would share it with you! It's a butterfly and a bumble bee fighting (no insects were hurt in the taking of this photograph)

I hope everyone enjoys their Sunday, relaxes a little, and has a wonderful wonderful day! =]

Friday, February 20, 2009


Girls, I'm in tears right now.
I woke up from a nap mentally and physically tired, but I had planned on going to the gym so I packed up my stuff and went downstairs to catch the bus. On the way out I decided to check my mailbox and found an orange slip indicating that I had a package waiting for me. Not wanting to miss the bus I figured I could just pick it up on Monday when the mail room opened again....but something told me that I needed to go back inside and find out who it was from.

The package was from my sister. I opened the box while standing at the bus stop, and read the first line of a letter as the bus was pulling up. I knew instantly that I wasn't going to the gym. I looked at the driver, apologized, and walked back inside.

Inside the box was a stuffed bear, and a
3 page note from my sister.

I really don't want to go into too much detail about what was in the note, but I just want to start off by saying that her and I don't really discuss my eating disorder. In fact, no one in my family does. So it's easy to live my life day by day not thinking that it truly affects anyone else but myself. However, her letter opened my eyes and broke my heart. She told me that she wants to go a day without thinking that she will never see me again, and she wants me to be the maid of honor at her wedding, and be the greatest aunt in the world, and spoil her child. She also wrote that she wants to be able to go outside in the colder weather with me and go sledding and ice skating- without me freezing to death after 5 minutes. I feel absolutely terrible, and dear I say it- guilty, for ruining plans every single time it's cold out because my body can't take it.

She said that she knows someone who's cousin recovered from an eating disorder, and that what helped her a lot was getting a tattoo of the word BELIEVE on her wrist, so that every time she looked at it she was reminded that she was in recovery. So, with this in mind, my sister sent me a Teddy Bear in hopes that whenever I look at it I will be reminded that she loves me, and wants me to recover and be happy and healthy- and one day not have to worry about everything I eat.

I don't even know what to say to her at this point. I'm overwhelmed with the most determination I've ever had. I'm overwhelmed because I didn't know that this bothered her so much. I'm overwhelmed because I feel like I've hurt my sister for over three years, and didn't even know it- how could I be so oblivious?

Wednesday, February 18, 2009

Dishes and Deep Thoughts...

Well, right now I'm sitting in the Chemistry Cafe just waiting for 1:00 to roll around so I can head to the doctor. I'm a bit nervous, but not as nervous as I normally am. I am going to accept what she tells me, and if it calls for action then I am going to be sure to do it!!

Last night I had a snack that I've seen around the blogs for some time now, yet ED told me that I would never be "allowed" to have it. Well, you know what? Last night I was CRAVING it, so I opened my freezer- popped a chocolate vitamuffin in the microwave, and SMEARED White Chocolate Wonderful pb along the top.
I. Have. Never. Been. So. Happy.
It was incredible! ED really doesn't let me have very FLAVORFUL things, especially combination of things. Sometimes he tells me that something tastes good, even when it doesn't. So being able to combine flavors and enjoy it was truly an amazing feeling!!

Well, of course amazing feelings always come with their fair share of "guilt", at least...if ED has a say in it. Well, as I was washing my pile of dishes last night, I remembered something that Emily texted to me a couple of days ago- she told me that her new favorite line is "no guilt." You had an extra snack? No guilt. You had pasta instead of bread? NO GUILT! It's such a simple line, but it really helped me last night.

But I also began thinking, as I was scrubbing away, about the times that I DID take a little extra, or had an extra snack. And I'm not sure if this is going to make sense to anyone, but I'm going to give it a try. Although on that specific day I stressed over the fact that I had, let's say, another bowl of cereal- looking back I can't remember those times that I had a little extra. I know when I actually ate it I felt bad, almost REGRET, but that feeling only lasted for that day. Chances are the next morning I woke up and forgot about it- and just focused on the day ahead of me (please note, I'm not talking about the days that you OVER ate, just the days when you ate a little more than usual.) HOWEVER, things I DO remember are the positives- my first slice of pizza after three years, that second cupcake I took, eating intuitively, having another bowl of cereal and feeling good about it. So my question is- why do I worry about regretting something when that feeling is only going to last a couple of hours? I know all of you are saying "well just don't regret it!" but sometimes ED just let's it linger. If the positives are what stays with me, then why not try to make more of them, and just LET myself take a little extra. The feelings won't last longer than that day.

This made SO much more sense when I thought about it! Ehhh, I'm sorry!

Have a good day though!

Tuesday, February 17, 2009

Dear ladies...

You all CRACK me up! I mention balance bars, and mystery calorie bread, and being yourself...yet you are JUMP to find out about this boy I mentioned! Hell with the food, you want the GOOD stuff =P

Well....since it isn't really anything yet, I'm not going to go on a tangent about it...because I don't know who reads this (even him! He read the article) so let's just call him B for now (isn't that funny...more B's!). I've just been hanging out with him a lot and I am SUCH a positive person around him...I love the person I am when I'm with him. He's smart, and nice, and I'm pretty excited to have met him- regardless of where it ends up!! I spent some time with him today and was an AMAZING day. Food wise I ate intuitively, and I ate well. I EVEN added peanut butter to my oats this morning!! Mighty Maple to be exact.....and I don't think I would ever turn back! This breakfast made me feel good ALL morning (hell...all DAY!)

Look at those knife lines....OH BABY!

Now...I'm not sure how many of you remember me mentioning that I didn't like melted peanut butter. Well...I'm proposing a swift change of statement/opinion.
I only like melted peanut butter when it is on my oats.
That's better... =]

Well, I just got back from Yoga (so wonderful!) and I'm about to hop in the shower. I'm trying my very best to keep up with your blogs but please forgive me if I fall behind- life is so hectic lately! And about those pins- my best friend who is currently going to Mizzou saw them and bought them....and she's sending them to me ASAP! So that's a picture of them on her bag! I can't wait to get them....I love me some CURVES!!


Monday, February 16, 2009

Study Study Study!!!

(These are pins that my best friend is sending me)

It's a B day!!!!

1. FIRST of all, it's LEE'S Bday!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY GIRL!!!

But today's list of B's goes beyond this wonderful girls 19th birthday!!

2. Bad pictures and Balance Bars

I've never had a regular balance bar before...but I decided to try this Chocolate Cashew Balance Pure bar and I absolutely loved it!! It reminded me of a chocolate brownie Z-bar, but with a much shorter list of ingredients. In fact...this baby only has 8 ingredients- including cashews, soynuts, dates, cocoa, peanut oil, and salt. That's 6 right there!! It also has 9 grams of protein and 4 grams of fiber. Brain power baby!

3. Bread
I went to lunch today and they were OUT of all wheat bread (which they restocked as soon as I took the bread I was going to eat....and I don't waste!). So I opted for pumpernickel bread...but what's so weird about this choice? Well...this was the only bread there that DOESN'T have it's nutrition facts printed on the bag. It's a mystery-calorie piece of bread. And I took two. =]
There's fake ham under there somewhere, I swear!!

4. Boys
There might be this boy...

Why wouldn't you want to?! People are so much more appealing when they are THEMSELVES! Even (especially)
if that means they are quirky and different. I get bored with repetition and ordinary....don't YOU?!


Sunday, February 15, 2009

But....where are all the pictures?

Sorry! This is basically a pointless post. But I was having a pretty off day until I heard this song on the radio. And even though, yes it is country, it really put me in a good I thought I would share it with you all!

Otherwise, I have Chem GALORE to study for. So I'll be catching up on blogs when I can!!!


Saturday, February 14, 2009

Bags, Buys, and Valentines.

Happy Valentines Day everyone!

I was greeted this morning by a gift from my parents! I know it's kind of corny, but it's a tradition that they always get something for my sister and I. This year was a little different though- my mom decided that getting me candy wasn't the best choice since I usually don't eat it (I TRY too). So instead she got me "snacks" from Trader Joe's, along with a CD of really relaxing music, since she knows I have been stressed lately. This present meant SO much to me because it's the first time she has gotten me a gift that is more personal than generic. Normally it's a heart shaped box of chocolate, but THIS time it just screamed Laura!

(Has anyone ever tried these before? They are such an interesting shape!)

I also gave my parents a gift this year. I really had no idea what to get them, so yesterday I decided to take a picture of my pup and I, have it framed, and give it to them with a card saying how much I love them. This is the picture I used:

It takes a lot to get a little dog to look at a camera =P

And now on to...

The Bag Tag!

I was tagged by the lovely Lauren, and to be honest I am the worst person for this! I guess I'm a terrible "girl" in the sense that I don't put much thought (or money) into choosing my bag. But I'm sure you all know the rules- so without further ado...I present to you my 15 dollar bag:

I didn't get a chance to update last night, so I thought I would share with you my findings (new and old) at Stop and Shop yesterday-

Chobs, Whipped CC, Nature's Promise veggie burger (?)

I FINALLY FOUND IT!!!! After looking EVERYWHERE, I finally spotted it at S&S and immediately put it into my basket (despite already having SO much Pb. Notice I didn't say too much =P )

These look good right? They aren't. Unless you like chomping on pure coffee beans...

The story behind this sandwich-
I have a LOT of trouble just eating a normal amount of peanut butter. Normally once I start eating it I really can't stop. But last night I REALLY wanted to try the Mighty Maple PB, so I decided to measure out two tbs, spread it on high cal bread, and enjoy a simple dinner. I ate it, enjoyed it, and felt content (and thirsty!). That PB is incredible!!! And I felt zero guilt for over-eating. Pb and I are becoming closer friends by the day!

Just to answer everyone's questions on the Hummus Chips-
My mom got them at a little grocery store in our town. It's called Dave's Marketplace, and I've seen a few stores throughout our state but I'm not sure if they are found anywhere else? The chips didn't taste like hummus at all! Actually, they tasted like very flavorful, very thin-&-crispy soy chips. I still highly recommend them =]

And one last thing! I went to see Mall Cop last night with my sister's fiance, and it was pretty funny! However, about halfway through there was a scene where a larger woman's shirt came up a little and you could see her stomach. Instantly the entire theater burst out with moans and groans and "ewwwww"s. I couldn't believe my ears! Since when is woman's stomach absolutely repulsing?! She wasn't OBESE, she just had more fat on her stomach than, apparently, the average person can accept. This really bothered me, and made think "no wonder woman are so pressured to be thin. If she isn't, she thinks MASSES of people will be repulsed and disgusted by her."

This is pretty sad...


I hope everyone has a WONDERFUL Valentines day, spent with those you love. <3>

Friday, February 13, 2009

Mirror Mirror on the wall...

Who's the humblest one of all?

My Humbles chips of course! Why are they called Humbles? Because they're made with the HUMBLE Chick pea =]
With olive oil, chick pea flour, and roasted red pepper- these chips were a hit!

Photo Shoot:

Being home just feels so comforting. I've just been lounging around for the most part- except this morning I had a doctors appointment in Providence- and I'll be honest, my doctor is worried about me. I've been doing a lot better at have structured meals- instead of overdoing it at night. But I guess it's not enough for my now I'm making an effort to include more things into my diet. Hence the chips at lunch! (and maybe a bowl of cereal afterwards. =] )

The rest of my day consists of going to Target, Stop&Shop, and then hanging out with my sisters fiance. Yeah, we're pretty much best friends. Gotta love it!

Oh, and Jaime- look what my mom has been eating for the past few months! I saw them and instantly thought about you! They aren't pumpernickel, but they are close enough right?!

Oh and also, I tried overnight oats last night. I wasn't able to snap a picture, but I tried oats, vanilla extract, and a little sprinkle of splenda. I'm always a little scared to add toppings...or rather, ED doesn't want me to. But I think I'm going to try them again tonight and have a spoonful of pb with it tomorrow morning. Baby steps, right?


Thursday, February 12, 2009

I solved the mystery!!!!

What mystery you ask? Why...I solved the mystery of the missing pecans!!!
Everyone has been asking- "where have all the pecans on the new Kashi Pumpkin Pie chewy bar gone?" Well...I have your answer!!

Onto my bar!!!!
I opened this baby up while I was studying for my Nutrition Exam this morning, and couldn't believe my eyes!! Now...if Kashi could only double the size of would be the PERFECT bar. =)

Also, I wanted to share with you another study snack of mine- except I had this one at about midnight last night. A girl's got to get her fuel!!

Yep, that's oats with Nesquik! I had SUCH a chocolate craving, but didn't actually have any chocolate in the room. But then I remembered the Nesquik that I bought the other night (it's been so long since I've had this stuff!) so figured I would try it in oats. The verdict- AMAZING!

Alright, so it's only 11:40 in the morning and today I have already-

-Had 3 cups of coffee
-Taken two exams
-Stepped in 4 piles of mud, and 3 puddles
-Solved a mystery
-Walked into a door
-Had lunch
-Posted on my blog
-Received a valentine from a friend (he know's me so well doesn't he?!"

Please note the PEANUT lovers Kudos. =]

Lyrics of the day- Zox//7th Avenue Prophet

The only thing that I could find
Was a beat up cardboard sign that said "love will save us all".

Wednesday, February 11, 2009

Wannaby Wallaby.

I was feeling adventurous, so I dug into my Australia stash this morning!

This one was a Macadamia and Fruit bar, and was so good! It definitely had a different taste than any other bar that I've ever had, but the more I chewed, the more I wanted to keep chewing! There were HUGE pieces of Macadamia nuts- I'm talking, almost halves. As well as apricots and mango- all of which could be seen and tasted. Thanks again Lauren!

And for lunch, I just wanted to share with you my new favorite sandwich combination. I had it a few nights ago, but managed to snap a picture this time! I'm no longer afraid to whip my camera out in public. At least, not when I'm alone!

This sandwich is on two slices of Whole Wheat bread, with extra hummus, spinach, pickles, and tomatoes. So simple, yet so satisfying. And that's what I am aiming for right? Satisfaction!

Our beloved Jenny granted my wish of being interviewed, however I had absolutely no idea how difficult it would be for me to answer these questions. I'm sorry if they are a bit disappointing! I have two exams tomorrow morning (ending by 10:30) and then I need to pack to go home (I couldn't be MORE excited!). So, needless to say, I have a lot to do today, which cuts down on blog time! But I wanted to post this interview so Jenn Jenn didn't think I'm ignoring her!!

1. If you were on your death bed (gruesome, I know) and could eat one food before you died, what would it be? I'm combining two foods, to make one "snack." Because I'm on my death bed, and the people around me will obviously allow me two foods (actually...3. I lied). Anyways. I would want a HUGE bowl of cereal, with vanilla soymilk, and a spoon full of Naturally Nutty's Butter Toffee Peanut Butter. A lot of people don't know this about me, but I rarely ever go a day without a big bowl of cereal. I just can't do it! I guess in Blog Land cereal to me is like oats to all of you. Except I usually have it sporadically- rarely ever in the morning. Usually after lunch or dinner. It satisfies my sweet tooth and my carb cravings. In fact, I just finished a bowl as we speak. And the peanut butter- well I don't know how many of you have tried the Butter Toffee Peanut Butter, but it's probably the best PB I've EVER had!
2. Who is one person (dead of alive) that you truly admire, and why?
Chuck Klosterman. I know I "should" by talking about my mother or best friend, but everyone- even them- already know how much I admire them, and love them, and couldn't live without them. Chuck Klosterman on the other hand, doesn't even know I exist (except for the very brief book signing I went to a few summers ago).

Oh so embarressing. But meeting him and listening to him speak was such an honor. He's one of my all time favorite authors- writing about music, and love (or lack there of), and just speaking what is on his mind. He holds nothing back. He is sarcastic, witty, extremely intelligent, and above all- independent and unique. He makes me think, laugh, question myself and my world. And anyone who can do that is definitely worth admiring, don't you think?

Here are a few quotes by him if you're interested. I might be expanding on a few of these in later posts:

"It's far easier to write why something is terrible than why it's good. If you're reviewing a film and you decide "This is a movie I don't like," basically you can take every element of the film and find the obvious flaw, or argue that it seems ridiculous, or like a parody of itself, or that it's not as good as something similar that was done in a previous film. What's hard to do is describe why you like something. Because ultimately, the reason things move people is very amorphous. You can be cerebral about things you hate, but most of the things you like tend to be very emotive." "But whenever I meet dynamic, nonretarded Americans, I notice that they all seem to share a single unifying characteristic: the inability to experience the kind of mind-blowing, transcendent romantic relationship they perceive to be a normal part of living. And someone needs to take the fall for this. So instead of blaming no one for this (which is kind of cowardly) or blaming everyone (which is kind of meaningless), I'm going to blame John Cusack." "People who talk about their dreams are actually trying to tell you things about themselves they’d never admit in normal conversation."

3. If you were to pick one animal that most resembles you (no, not physically...well i supposed it can be physically if you’d like!) what would it be and why?
I'll be honest. I took a "which animal are you" quiz. Apparently I'm a horse. Which is fine by me because I LOVE horses. =)

4. What is your favorite possession that you just could never live without?
I hope you don't mind....but I'm going to take a raincheck on this question.

5. What is your favorite quote/anecdote/song lyrics/poem/etc. What attracts you so much to this?
I have so many affirmations that I read every single day, and they really help me get through my day. However, for this question I'm going to use a line in a song that I have been in love with since even before my ED began. It's by the Format and the song is called "On Your Porch".

whats left to lose?
I've done enough. and if I fail well then I fail
but i gave it a shot

This line just SPEAKS to me, and whenever I'm feeling down I remind myself that it's always worth a shot- don't fear failure.

Oh gosh, now that I think about it I have SO many more lyrics that I want to share with you! Maybe a daily lyric section?

Here's one more. =]

You said you can’t keep on running forever
Love is the only forever.
(Zox//7th Avenue Prophet)

To play along:
1. Leave me a comment saying, "Interview me." 2. I will respond by emailing you five questions. (I get to pick the questions). 3. You will update your blog with the answers to the questions. 4. You will include this explanation and an offer to interview others in the same post. 5. When others comment asking to be interviewed, you will ask them five questions.

And one last thing (longest post ever...I know, and I'm sorry!) But I just wanted to mention that I absolutely LOVE seeing videos of my fellow bloggers. It makes everyone seem so much more REAL, if you know what I mean. I can also put a voice and personality to your writing. So I encourage everyone to post a little video if you're feeling up for it! No one will judge here, and I might do the same.


Tuesday, February 10, 2009

Say it ain't so!

This is an apology to my beloved and year-long best friend- Kashi Crunchy Bars. But I think I may have found a new favorite...a new companion. Although very different in taste, composition, and sustenance, I believe that this new bar surpasses KCB in flavor and texture. Who is this new owner of my palate and my heart?'s the KIND Walnut and Date Bar of course!

I was pretty nervous about this bar before I ate it. I had heard quite a few mixed reviews about this brand, and it was all that I had on hand to keep me fueled through my music class (and trust me, I needed ALL the fuel I could get!). However, this bar did not disappoint in any way, shape, or form! It was absolutely delicious! It tasted like Walnuts and Dates...and nothing else! The way it should be! And it's texture was perfectly chewy, so I could savor the flavor for MUCH longer than I would have if it wasn't chewy! I highly recommend this bar to anyone who likes Dates and Walnuts. It was amazing!!!

On another note, I highly recommend that everyone check's out Amy's post today. She wrote about how she is SO much more than just a girl with an eating disorder. There are so many different layers that make up Amy, and I believe this holds true for every single one of us! I was going to comment with my answer (saying who I am) but instead I decided to post it on here- so I will be able to read it whenever I begin to get consumed by my alter-wanna-be-ego, Mr. ED.

So here we go.

I am...

A sister and a daughter. A laughter and a dreamer. A goof, a klutz, a seeker and a listener. I am a full-time optimist, and a part time clown. I am a helping hand, a shoulder to cry on, and a phone-call away. I am a swimmer, a bookworm, a volunteer, a learner, a student, a teacher. I am a lover of life and a lover of love. I am a daydreamer, and a scientist. I am a girl who isn't afraid to be herself. I am who I am...nothing more, nothing less.

Monday, February 9, 2009

Hi, my name is Laura

...and I'm a creep. I take candid pictures of men in University Cafe's!!!

But I just always feel like when I tell a story, I should have some sort of visual for all of you!
After my doctors appointment (which I have no idea how I did since my doctor went home sick, so another doctor just weighed me) I went to go get coffee at a cafe near the Health Services center. While I was looking over some of my bio notes (aren't I so studious?!) I couldn't help but overhear these two men conversing over coffee. And I guess there doesn't seem to be anything special or out of the ordinary about this, but for some reason it really affected me. These are two men, who are seemingly faculty here at UConn, have the most EDUCATED conversation I have heard in a long time. They were talking about traveling and the schools statistics and graduate students and classes and it just goes on forever! I just absolutely love listening to people having such scholarly and knowledgeable conversations. It reminds me that there are SO much more important things in life, and also reminds me that I'm currently surrounded my such well-informed people! It makes me just want to get out and learn every single thing I can!!!
My old therapist used to compliment me on how smart I was (sometimes a little TOO much but we won't get into that right now!). Although I didn't believe him, I loved how we would have such cultured conversations- ranging from current events to epidemics around the world. It made me SO excited to go to college, and hearing these two men discuss politics and everything else...well, it just made me realize that I am doing exactly what I have always wanted- educating myself on all aspects of this world!

Two more things I wanted to talk about (oh gosh, I'm sorry this is so lengthy!)
1. My dietician read the article in today's paper. It was kind of awkward having her mention it, and then kind of wait for me to talk about it. I wasn't really sure WHAT to say, exactly. But she did say that although we have formed a fairly good relationship, she respects that the blog is still a very personal part of me and my recovery, and she isn't going to read it unless I feel as if she should. How great is she?

2. (First of all, I know that my roommate has read my article, so Jackie if you are reading this please do not be offended! I just wanted to mention it to some of the girls on here so I can come up with an idea on how to cope with this. Love ya <3)
Okay, so my roommate decided to do an experiment for psychology regarding how her body reacts to a pretty drastic decrease in calories. I have mentioned in previous posts that I really look up to her and her confident eating habits, so I'm not quite sure how I am going to deal with this. I did mention to her to be careful that she doesn't cut out TOO many calories. I mean, even I could tell her how that affects one's body!! But having her only eat a salad and cooked veggies for dinner tonight was such a trigger, and I guess I'm just looking for any advice you might have on how I can deal with this over the next few weeks?

But don't you girls worry. I had the GREATEST sandwich for dinner tonight. Loads of hummus, lettuce, tomatoes, and pickles on two large pieces of whole grain bread. Can you say delicious?! I can!!!

Have a great Monday night girls!!!


Look at it!!! Front page!

I can't tell you how excited I was to see this! It was actually a bit different than the one I posted on here, but I absolutely LOVED it! Julie did such an amazing job writing this, and incorporating the perfect balance of statistics, quotes, and information about my blog. It's exactly what I was hoping was going to be published. There was even an opinion from an RD who works at the Hospital of Central Connecticut. She said that "I think it's great. I think any type of support system, whether it's family or strangers in an internet blog who are going through the same thing is really helpful." (Kelsey Mangano, RD.) How great is that?!

I've also already been contacted by a few people from my school who read the article and are also suffering from Eating Disorders. I just want to give a shout out to all of the readers who are from UConn- thank you SO much for taking the time to find and read this blog. You can find me on Facebook if you want to talk in a more private atmosphere! Otherwise, please feel free to continue reading this and comment as you please! I love knowing that there are readers out there who may be struggling in the same environment that I am. So, welcome. =)

So, this is the frozen yogurt that I'm chipping away at as we speak.

I did want to touch upon something today that I've read a lot about in random blogs the past few weeks, and that is fear of hunger.
I've read that a good amount of people try to eat a substantial meal so that they don't feel hungry before they are "supposed to" (ie. time for a snack or another meal). Well, I find myself in this predicament once in awhile, but seem to find myself in exactly the OPPOSITE situation more often. I am scared of perpetual fullness. When I feel my stomach getting full, I get scared. I worry that I will never feel hungry again. I'm not really sure where this is coming from, or what I am scared of exactly, but I often eat foods that I know will not leave me feeling full. The problem with this, however, is that in addition to lacking the full-feeling, I also lack the satisfaction-feeling. This causes me to eat until I receive the level of satisfaction that my body is happy with, which often leads to feeling full, and sometimes guilty for overeating. Isn't that funny how my body finds a way to get what it wants?

So my new goal- eat until I am satisfied. Whether this means feeling full or simply feeling content. I need to start eating foods that will nourish my body, instead of eating just to not feel hungry any more.

Today is yet another Dr. day, and I'm a bit nervous. I was kind of "off" the past few days, and I have a feeling it will show. BUT, that doesn't mean I have failed. It just means I need to wake up tomorrow and begin chugging away at recovery once again!!


Sunday, February 8, 2009

So I lied...

I am posting today. But just because I found something that I thought was really interesting!
I went to the students page of the UConn website to see what the weather is going to be like today (51 degrees if you're wondering!!!) but I happened to spot the topic of the daily poll and of course needed to do it! The question: How often do you work out? The results?...

Isn't that interesting?!?!
ED tells me that EVERYONE works out every single day! It's nice to be aware that he is just once again bull shitting me.

Well, I'm off to my day of studies (I woke up sick this morning....nauseous&chills) so I'm going to be taking it EXTRA easy today. That's what Sunday's are for though, right?

Enjoy your day of relaxation!! <3

Saturday, February 7, 2009

Miserable Miserable Miserable

That's how I thought my day was going to be! I didn't sleep one single bit last night due to my roommates, ahem, snoring! However, despite my lack of sleep, I ended up being oddly energized for my day!

However, I have SO much work to do, so this is going to be another quick post (I'm sorry!) and I probably won't be around to post tomorrow either. I am so unbelievably overwhelmed with my classes.

I went to the mall today with my roommate though, and had Panera for lunch! I missed that place! It's weird going from working there almost every day to not even SEEING it!!

While at the mall I picked up a travel mug for my coffee, as well as a NYLON magazine. This mug, however, has a place where you can insert of course I made a collage! (I credit the idea to use this magazine to Lee though!)



It didn't come out EXACTLY as I pictured, but I'm pretty satisfied =)

OH. And my school started selling Zoe bars! I was so excited to try one, and obviously I grabbed the Peanut Butter one!

With an apple of course, on the most amazing plate a girl could ask for!!!

My opinion? It was just okay. There is something really familiar about the taste but I just can't place it. It reminded me of a larger version of a Jamfrakas bar, but not as good. BUT, it has 100% of Omega 3's.

Alrighty, this girl is off to get her butt in gear and hit the books!! I'll be reading blogs tomorrow, but if I don't comment I apologize!!!